So, out of the 400 acres of land in Kancha Gachibowli village, the mighty 20 bulldozers — which have now forever ruined ‘Bob the Builder’ for me — have so far taken out only 50 acres. Allegedly (a word journalists use when they can’t verify facts). But the point is, there is still some flora and fauna left near HCU, and in the world generally.
And to be honest, this fight to save the planet is a losing battle. I knew that the day they cut down trees, printed textbooks on environmental studies, and tried to make me understand that cutting trees is harmful to the planet… and they didn’t stop there. They cut down even more trees so I could write the same thing thrice a year in unit tests, mid-terms, and boards. Which is why I moved on to more pressing and important issues — like which songs Anu Malik stole from the West.
Now, what’s absurd about this situation is that we saw students being beaten up for taking a scientific approach. Which makes you wonder: what other ways can we convince people we need this forest? Nothing. We’re losing these trees, and more in the future.
I said this to myself and was about to switch to IPL when I saw a clip of a guy whose head was banged against a police van. I mean, they were pushing him into the truck, and the ceiling hit him hard — and then me.
My body is in no position to take a lathi charge and my brain obviously has no solutions, so I thought — what does one of the best brains in the world, Yuval Noah Harari, say? Well, he said the narrative around climate change needs to change. And I agree 100% because that’s the only book I’ve read.
It’s all about the narrative.
Here’s the students’ narrative: “The land is rich in biodiversity and plays a crucial role in maintaining the local ecosystem. The forested land was home to protected wildlife species under Schedule I of the Wildlife Act and had a self-sustaining ecosystem…” The cops lost them at ‘biodiversity’, and the rest of India will lose it at ‘ecosystem’. But you can’t blame the students — they are studying post-graduation in an esteemed university. That’s how they speak.
The government’s narrative: “The court gave us the land, so we’ll do what we want.” Okay, saar, as you say. (No joke here — I’m no Kunal Kamra.)
But none of the narratives will save the forest. We need a story that works for us.
Here’s how one can try to win this game. Remember, it’s not about winning — some battles are fought because we need oxygen, but O2 is science fiction for the guys in power. We need some proper Indian emotional drama with some masala.
Use astrology: If you cut all the trees, who will the mangliks get married to?
Pray to god: Build a religious place around the trees. Once an area is declared a religious site, it can never be removed. Just start worshipping those trees, and in a few years, the uncles and aunties will catch on and start the hashtag #PedVahiLagega.
File a case: The case around this land actually went on for 20 years. If we quickly put in another case, our slow judicial system will stretch this for another 20 years. Maybe by then, a Hyderabadi Greta Thunberg from HCU will become CM and stop this deforestation.
Use superstition: Until the new court order comes, just tell the bulldozer guys that a black cat crossed this jungle — bad time, buddy.
Use the cigarette trick: Just like cigarette packs show scary images to deter smokers, start showing horrifying visuals of what Gachibowli will look like after all the trees are gone. If they don’t listen, take them into a smoking room to give them a live demonstration.
Well, that’s all a guy can say when he has to be Captain Planet in 600 words.
Sandesh Johnny
@johnnykasandesh
(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)
(The writer’s views are his own)