The year was 2021. It was a chilly December day in Hyderabad, with jackets, shawls, and Irani chais ruling the wintertime inventory. But for Abhay Dange and Supriyo Chakraborty, December 18 was far from cold... their faces shone with warmth and their smiles spelled sheer joy as they exchanged vows, becoming the first gay couple in Telangana to say ‘I do’. Now, Supriyo, an LGBTQIA+ advocate and marriage equality petitioner, has written a book called Surviving Loudly, which narrates his deeply personal journey — of identity, resilience, and love. In an articulate conversation with CE, he goes down memory lane, talks laws, and more.
Excerpts
What is Surviving Loudly about?
Surviving Loudly is not just my coming out story but a story of surviving silence, shame, and societal expectations, and learning to exist — unapologetically and loudly. I approached the book as a form of catharsis. The process wasn’t easy, but then I’d remind myself why I was writing: for that teenager sitting in a small town, googling ‘How to know if I’m gay?’ and hoping someone out there had survived. I wanted to be that someone.
Can you share your coming-out story with us?
I always knew I was different. Coming out to my mother was the hardest; I called her to Hyderabad, and we spoke all night. There were tears, questions, and fears. She asked if it was her fault, or if a doctor could ‘fix’ me. But eventually, she stood by me. Today, she’s my strongest support system. Coming out isn’t a one-time event. It’s a journey that never really ends.
Could you tell us about your journey with Abhay?
Meeting Abhay was like meeting the mirror I never knew I needed. He didn’t just accept me but challenged me to accept myself, saying, ‘If you’re going to be with me, you must come out, you must be honest, and you must never shrink yourself.’ We fell in love. And we wanted to get married. But the law didn’t allow it. So we went to the Supreme Court. I was the lead petitioner in India’s marriage equality case. It was overwhelming and painful… we lost the case. But we won something greater: visibility, conversation, courage. Despite the verdict, we got married in Telangana.
How has Hyderabadi society evolved in its attitudes towards LGBTQIA+ individuals?
Hyderabad has surprised me. While the law still has catching up to do, the people have shown heart. Over the years, I’ve seen more acceptance, more pride marches, more inclusive events. There are still pockets of prejudice, but also pockets of hope.
Do you think schools should take a stronger role in educating students about LGBTQIA+ identities and fostering respect?
Schools are not just places of academic learning; they are spaces where identities are formed, self-worth is shaped. We need to equip teachers to talk about queerness with sensitivity. We need to introduce stories, books, and role models that reflect the diversity of real life. If prejudice can be taught, so can empathy.
In a world that is often polarised, how do you suggest allies can engage meaningfully?
Allyship is not about being the loudest in the room. It’s about holding space, amplifying voices, and stepping back when needed. Educate yourself: it’s not the community’s responsibility to explain everything to you. And remember: being an ally is not a title, it’s a verb. It’s about consistent action, not occasional applause.
Do you believe legal reforms alone are enough to ensure equality, or does true progress require deeper cultural shifts?
Legal reform is crucial, as it gives us rights, protection, and recognition. But laws can only do so much if mindsets remain unchanged. True equality comes when your landlord doesn’t care who you love. When your boss doesn’t assume your gender. When your parents don’t whisper about your identity. We need cultural conversations, representation in media, inclusive parenting, and honest storytelling. Legal wins open the door, but cultural shifts walk us home.
Any message for the young people in the LGBTQIA+ community?
You don’t have to shout to be loud. Your existence is your resistance. Never let the world convince you that you are too much or not enough. Find your tribe. Love fiercely. And most importantly, survive — but do it loudly.