A friend said ‘Idli? Ewww, that’s patient food’. There are criminals in Hyderabad walking free after such statements. One rainy evening, they ate pani puri near a drainage, got viral fever, and the doctor prescribed Dolo 650 and idli for three days. Now idli is the trauma and pani puri is nostalgia. If they had eaten idli that night, they wouldn’t have become patients at all. Worship the disease, hate the cure. Your brain should be studied.
This prescription exists only in South India because idlis in North India are not even food. They are influencer hacks to get rich and famous. Still, I wouldn’t call idli patient food because by that logic, you should call your bed a ‘sick bed’ since the doctor once said ‘take bed rest’. Also, all medicine has alcohol; you don’t call one quarter of Royal Stag ‘medicine’, do you?
All idlis taste similar because the preparation hasn’t changed since it came from Indonesia in the 10th century. Which is why I like it even more, especially when I am on the move.
Every idli is steamed and untouched by the same hand that scratched his head while preparing. So when you’re at a new place and don’t know what’s good, just go for the idli. If the idli is good, there is a chance the rest of the menu will be good. If the idli itself is bad, leave immediately. If they can’t get idli right, they won’t get anything right. You come back after two weeks and the tiffin centre is sold. Because if you can’t make idli, might as well shut shop.
At best, idli is a universal food assuming; and I fully support this — that South India is the universe. It’s so easy to make that even a patient can make it. And if that patient has 50 guests in his house, he can make idlis for all of them and burn the same amount of calories in both scenarios.
This is why idli is served at every mass gathering. Imagine making 100 dosas vs making 100 idlis. Which would you choose if you were a Hyderabadi lazy chef?
At least call it lazy food.
Also, it’s not the idli you don’t like; it’s the chutney that makes or breaks the idli.
The Luna guy who sells idli is good; it’s just that his chutney is very human in taste ie, 70% water. Some restaurants are stingy. Or maybe some people eat two idlis and two kilos of chutney, so they add extra salt to make you consume less and get angry and give the idli 1.5 stars.
Now if the restaurant is literally called ‘Chutneys’, they will go all out and give you five bowls of similar chutneys so that Rs 300 for idlis is justified. You might like it but again you won’t say ‘idli was nice’. You will say ‘chutney was nice’.
I personally love idlis and have a record of eating 25 at once. That was me in my teens. In my 30s, I stick to six to ten depending on the chutney of course.
It’s not even a ‘healthy’ choice. It’s just very comforting food. I ate idli when I didn’t have teeth, I ate idli when my teeth had a cavity, and when I lose my teeth at 90 I will still eat it.
Which is why I get angered when you call my ultimate staple food, patient food.
Sandesh
@msgfromsandesh
(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)
(The writer’s views are his own)