Growing up, nobody really talked about protein. Doctors, nutritionists, parents. No one made it sound like the most important nutrient.
But the gym bros knew. And we all know how we looked at them. We might take a lift from a gym bro, but never advice, because the gym has a bench press but no maths table.
Well... maybe we should have. They were right. We do need protein and exercise. But if you have to choose one, apparently it’s protein. The reason is simple. Eating is easier than lifting.
Growing up, we had no control and no idea. So we went with what our hearts wanted. Carbs. A country full of lower-middle-class families, carbs came cheap. We had government-subsidised carbs in ration shops, but no discount for protein.
I ate until I was full, yet someone would still ask, ‘Take some more rice na’. Only when you were a special guest at someone’s house would they ask, ‘Take some more mutton’, and that too only once.
For my family to consume good protein, it had to be either Sunday, someone’s birthday or Christmas. The rest of the week, our bodies just managed with whatever little protein came from dal while we loaded up on rice. The protein contribution was like the No 11 batsman’s contribution in a T20 match. Five runs.
We even had products like ProteinX. A product literally named after protein would have only 8 grams of protein. Apparently, I need around 100 grams.
Then came the internet. Health influencers. Fitness influencers. Education and the Subscribe button at the same place.
And here we are in 2026. Even if you quietly whisper to yourself, ‘I need to take care of my health’, someone will suddenly shout, ‘Protein liya kya?’
Now, the same brands that sold us sugar and maida all our lives have had a change of heart from all the heart attacks, and now they’re now selling us protein.
There are regular protein powders that give you 25 grams of protein per scoop. But then comes the difficult part. Which one do I buy?
First there’s whey protein. A simple answer to ‘why protein?’ Gut friendly but not pocket friendly protein. Then there’s special protein for women. What about everyone else? The only thing missing from the protein store is a seven-coloured pride protein box.
But if you don’t like taking that extra effort, now even your normal food, which was supposed to have some protein anyway, comes with extra protein.
Milk with extra protein.
Curd with extra protein.
Is the buffalo also taking protein powder and running extra rounds around the shed? Or is there some high-protein grass they’re feeding them?
Eggs now come with a tag saying they have extra protein.
How?
Are those eggs incubated in leftover protein boxes from the gym?
Even Swiggy is like, ‘Hey, this burger that will kill you if you eat it every day but it’s got protein’.
And if you don’t trust them, there’s another button called ‘Healthy’, where Hrithik Roshan is selling you a paneer protein roll.
All this available protein is good for us, sure.
But the carbs industry seems to be feeling left out, so they spread rumours.
‘Chicken is good protein, but it has too much estrogen’.
You might get big and strong, but you’ll also cry if someone gets you flowers.
If you ask me, that’s not a bad deal.
And then one day, you meet the fittest person you’ve ever seen.
You ask him which protein he takes.
He says, ‘Nothing’.
And suddenly you feel cheated again.
Sandesh
@msgfromsandesh
(This comedian is here to tell funny stories about Hyderabad)
(The writer’s views are his own)
