KOCHI: At 14, Shyama was Shyam, caught in the emotional blizzard of her of gender identity. At 18 she was leered at and called ‘chandupottu’, but had scored a top rank in medical entrance. “And it was not just boys, even girls and teachers joined hands in hurling abuses at me,” she says. Though any medical school was ready to accept her, she couldn’t pursue her dream due to lack of support and funds. And now, braving all the harassment and hatred, she has become the first transgender in Kerala to receive a merit scholarship from the government. “It’s not the money, but the recognition that matters to me,” says the M Ed student who received the cheque two days ago.
Until recently, it was secret sects and closely-guarded communities that offered LGBT members a platform to interact. “But with some attempts at sensitisation and the Transgender Policy in place, they are slowly transforming into social forums,” she says. It was Oasis, a city-based support group that fuelled Shyama’s decision to come out of the closet and embrace her real self. “If you are a transgender, you have to gulp down a lot of pain and bitterness, even as a child you learn to walk the tightrope between scorn and ridicule. You suffer and suffer, helpless and scared to react. But at Oasis I learned that I too had rights. I had my first taste of self esteem and empowerment there. Prijith, my friend there helped me a lot,” she adds.
Shyama says she was aware of her gender identity right from adolescence. “But trying to express myself seemed suicidal at that time. I badly wanted to complete my education and I knew it was my only way out. I hid my identity all through my academic years, yet I had to face a lot of browbeating.” She adds her school and college days were pure torture with both teachers and classmates trying to make a man out of her. “It’s not easy for our community members to complete their education. They are bullied and ridiculed on a regular basis and it’s not easy to survive he emotional trauma. I agree many transgenders are not educated, but it’s not because of their low IQs. The society forces them to stay off schools and colleges,” she says.
During college days Shyama spent her time poring over books, shutting herself from rude remarks and jokes. “When I was sure that my doctor dream was over, I decided to join a regular college. By that time, admissions were closed, but Dr vasanthakumari, HOD at University College, gave me a seat. I had full marks for Malayalam and she was impressed by my plus two mark-sheet. Yet the life there was a nightmare,” she says. But B Ed days were different with the teachers and students of Mar Theophilus Training College being very supportive.
Shyama, who has also cleared National Eligibility Test for lectureship, plans to enroll for PhD soon. She says she wants to be a teacher, but whether she will be welcomed at any university remains a question. “Till now there are only male and female columns in our PSC application forms. I know it’s not going to be a cakewalk, but I plan to march forward with all my might,” she smiles.