KOCHI: Oscar-nominated Canadian actor Elliot Page, formerly known as Ellen Page, recently came out as a trans person. “The truth is, despite feeling profoundly happy right now, and knowing how much privilege I carry, I’m scared of the invasiveness, the hate, the “jokes” and the violence,” he wrote on Twitter.It is true that those struggling with gender dysphoria find it hard to escape the stigma associated with being a gender minority — especially in a society filled with people who attempt to ‘normalise’ the difference. For Dr Priya V S from Thrissur, the first transgender ayurvedic doctor from Kerala, it has been a similar battle, fighting all odds.
“Like most trans persons, I had a frustrating childhood too. There was a strange sense of being trapped in the wrong body. The unyielding attempts to satiate the needs of feminine consciousness tormented the early years of my life,” she says. “My inner turmoil got intensified by the time I was a teenager. I began jotting down my pent-up feelings in my diary. When facial hair began to appear, I started plucking it out enduring much pain. All the peculiar behaviour confused my parents and they took me to a psychiatrist. Fortunately, the doctor said I’m a ‘normal’ person. Later, I learnt that I’m not supposed to fight society and its notions which I can’t change, lest I invite bullying,” she recalls.
Priya also had to battle her own demons in the meantime — a fight that required immense patience. I was entirely a woman from inside and couldn’t even imagine leaving my family and being on my own,” says Priya. By the time she reached Class X, she began to control her mannerisms to avoid getting herself painted into the corner and focused on studies more. “Later, I studied at Vaidyaratnam Ayurveda College, Ollur, Thrissur, and did MD in Mangaluru. The decision to pursue MD was also intended to avoid the family’s questions on marriage. At some point, I had to lie to my family that I’m a homosexual, since I feared disclosing my identity as a transgender. During those years, I excelled at pretending to be a man,” quips Priya.
She admits that hiding her true identity was torturous. “Finally, I had to blow the lid off in 2018. Vanquishing the dormant male ego was a herculean task and I even experienced a panic attack after starting hormonal treatment. My family’s support throughout this journey is worth mentioning. If parents find that their kids do not conform to the boundaries of heteronormativity, they should be careful enough to support them instead of blaming them,” she says.
She feels if someone happens to identify themselves as a trans person, they should get ready for a gradual and systematic change. Rather than renouncing everything on the spur of the moment, it would be wise to pursue studies, thereby getting equipped with a means for survival, she observes.
“During these days, I’m enjoying the ultimate reward for this planned change: I’m celebrating womanhood. I’m also aware of my responsibility towards society as a transwoman doctor,” Priya says. She is presently working at Sitaram Ayurveda Hospital, Thrissur. Dr Priya, who was formerly Dr Jinu Sasidharan, also has expertise in academics with experience at Government Ayurveda Medical College, Tripunithura, and Government Ayurveda College, Kannur.