KOCHI: Look at the typical school day of primary school children. Parents wake them up and push them off to the washroom. In most cases, you would hear them yelling about arranging the school bag. In a frantic hurry to put the child on the school bus, parents help them to get dressed up, arrange the books, have breakfast, and put their shoes on.
Though development-wise, children are capable of doing all these tasks on their own, many parents end up depriving them of the opportunity to master skills that aid them in the journey to healthy independence and personal autonomy. We often see this pattern extending to the later years of their lives, too.
Rescript parenting, right from the daily activities
It is essential to encourage children to do things they can from a very young age. There has to be an uncompromising mission to achieve this through healthy child-rearing practices. Lessons of independence suitable for the age have to be initiated right from early childhood.
Golden rule: Daily activities of life, appropriate for the age, need to be performed by themselves.
For instance, make them wash up, wear clothes and eat by themselves. At school-going age, they should be prepared to wake up by themselves and be at the table for breakfast on time, without any goading.
School work — A personal mission
Over-enthusiasm of parents to do ‘everything’ for their child steals a healthy mindset that tells them that they would ultimately have to manage life by themselves. With the over-involvement of parents in school work, many children end up thinking they study their lessons or do homework just for the sake of the parents. Learning should rather be a personal mission.
Parents who coax children to study or do their homework inadvertently weaken this spirit. But, what if they don’t study, if left unsupervised? This is a concern parents often raise. They, however, forget the reality that they cannot sustain this ‘pushing’ beyond a point in the child’s life. So, it is better they equip the child with the spirit of autonomy.
Over-involvement is certainly not good parenting, as many ‘doting parents’ assume it to be. List activities that the child can do on his or her own. Make it a practice to not get involved in them. Let the children face the negative consequences, if any, of their action/inaction. Facilitate learning from mistakes and lapses, without blaming or punishing them.
Resist the urge to ‘help’ or ‘protect’ the child. Understand that it is not an expression of care or love. In effect, it may ruin the spirit of autonomy that is vital for life in the new world.
Also, resist the trap of feeling inadequate or getting carried away when other parents elaborate on “what all I do for my child”. There is absolutely no space for peer pressure in this case!
Self-discovery through independent thinking