KOCHI: Narcissism has been a subject of study for centuries. Philosophers as well as psychologists have tried to understand and interpret the trait that makes people unreasonably egotistical and self-absorbed.
The term ‘narcissism’ originates from the Greek myth of Narcissus, who fell in love with his own reflection in a pond, and died staring at it for the rest of his life. Today, it is a ‘modern epidemic’, according to social scientists.
Experts note that personality traits can range from being healthy to pathological. On the upside, narcissism can manifest as healthy self-love and confidence. Narcissists would generally be competent, resilient, and highly productive. They slog to establish their space.
In fact, experts believe people with a healthy level of narcissism make good leaders in the corporate sector. Narcissists would try to present a pleasing self-image, and the team members are more likely to work harder to get into their good books. This, in turn, enhances overall productivity.
However, things get problematic when the individual gets preoccupied with the self and develops tendencies to portray a grandiose image of oneself to the outer world. When narcissism turns pathological, it becomes Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), says Dr Arun B Nair, consultant psychiatrist at Medical College, Thiruvananthapuram.
“There are nine primary characteristics of NPD (see box). If any five of them persist, it is a clear-cut sign of personality disorder,” he explains. “Exaggerated confidence, superiority complex, interacting with only those who are aligned with one’s stature, expecting adoration from everyone, exploiting others for one’s own happiness, inability to empathise, intense jealousy of others and imagining that others also feel the same, and unnecessary aggression are some of them.”
Narcissistic victim syndrome
Narcissism often mars interpersonal relationships. Kottayam native Jenifer Thomas, 26, recalls a friendship turning awry due to narcissistic behaviour. “He was one of my good friends. However, his imposing know-all behaviour and seeing others with contempt started affecting my self-esteem. This, in turn, impacted our friendship,” she says.
People who have relationships with narcissistic people eventually develop a feeling of inadequacy. This is called narcissistic victim syndrome. “Narcissists are usually very good at manipulating and gaslighting their victims,” says psychologist Anu Paul, who works at Mindful Life wellness clinic in Kochi. “As narcissists are unpredictable, people around them walk on eggshells out of fear of disapproval; some develop anxiety. In extreme cases, they can go through depression and emotional abuse.”
She adds that the increased need for admiration and inflated self-importance can be tiring for people living with a narcissist. “They neglect the subjective experiences of other people, making it totally about them and their needs,” says Anu.
T P Jwad, a clinical psychologist, also says narcissists “brainwash” their victims in many ways. “They separate you from your support network. The victims of narcissistic people are very submissive,” he says. “Many of them remain so for their entire lives. Now, there are effective therapies for victims.”
For a narcissist, each relation is a conquest, says psychologist Asha Gopal. “People close to them might find it difficult to tolerate their behaviour, as they are dominating and insensitive to others. Narcissists find it difficult to see or accept another person’s perspective, as there is a lack of empathy,” she explains.
Role of social media
Several recent studies and international articles note that social media is a major contributor to the ‘narcissism epidemic’. Indulgence in social media can trap youngsters in the ‘I-me-myself’ world, and turn them grandiose and selfie-obsessed, caution experts.
“On social media, anybody can become a ‘celebrity’, if they manage to put up viral content. Meanwhile, there will be many who begin to admire the creators. This can fuel narcissism,” says Dr Arun.
Prof. Shaji A, head of the department of history, University of Kerala, also flags rising narcissism among youth. “I’m not generalising,” he says. ”But, there are many youths driven by the number of likes and comments on social media. This should not be the way to gauge one’s worth; it leads to them becoming self-centred and developing false pride.”
Pathanamthitta-based research scholar Kalyani Rajendran agrees there is a trend of youngsters becoming more self-involved. “Putting themselves out online is a form of self-actualisation,” she adds.
“It can’t be labelled as narcissism in general. In some cases, it is a form of self-love and it helps, especially those who are marginalised.”
Dr Arun, too, stresses that loving oneself is important. “However, loving oneself should also mean forming a community where love is shared and received. The art of creating goodwill is also crucial,” he says. “Studies suggest that the improved quality of interpersonal relations at a young age plays a role in longevity.”
Psychiatrist C J John concurs. “Certain shades of self-love are necessary for a happy life. Appreciating one’s own strengths in a way that doesn’t disrupt interpersonal relations is a healthy narcissistic trait,” he says.
Roots in childhood
Both overindulgent and neglectful parenting can make children develop narcissistic traits as they grow up, notes Dr John, who is a member of Kerala State Mental Health Authority. “If children are overprotected and given the idea that they are more special than their peers, focusing only on their individual achievements, they can develop narcissistic traits,” he explains.
“On the other hand, being neglectful could instil the feeling of being inadequate from a young age, later as a defense mechanism they could develop a sense of self-importance.” Dr Arun also stresses the importance of “balanced” parenting. “For instance, praising a child’s academic excellence in an emphatic way, making it seem extraordinary, is unhealthy,” he says.
“Rather, children should be made aware that they need not necessarily always be the best in every spectrum. Such realisations are important.”
Seeking treatment
People with NPD can get better with the right treatment, especially long-term psychotherapy. “In many cases, narcissists seek help when they encounter a major life crisis. They seek help when they fear that their self-image is getting tarnished,” says Dr Arun.
“Treatment can at least ensure that they are aware of their traits and wouldn’t let the same affect their personal and professional lives.”
Psychologist Anu notes that people with NPD might often not realise the problem is with them. “They believe people are not living up to their standards. People with NPD are sometimes more likely to develop other issues such as anxiety disorder, depression, and substance abuse,” she says.
Nine characteristics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder