KOCHI: As I turn 50, the realisation that there is less time ahead of me than behind is becoming very real. Also, it is important to acknowledge ageing and gracefully accept the challenges that come with it. The body’s metabolism has changed gradually and sleep deprivation is no longer viable. A mix of healthy diet, sleep and exercise is mandatory to lead a fruitful second half of our lives. Prioritising self-care is the first shift that happens during midlife!
Some call it midlife as it typically refers to the period between young adulthood and old age, roughly spanning the late 30s to the early 60s. It is a period most associated with significant events such as career changes, marriage, divorce, raising children, empty nesting, caring for ageing parents and grappling with one’s own mortality.
It is also a period of growth, self-discovery, renewed purpose, deepening relationships, pursuing new interests, and embracing the wisdom and experience gained over the years. Personally, I see the first half of our life as devoted to forming a healthy ego, chasing success and external validation, while the second half is going inward and letting go of it!
If we lead a life with meaning and purpose, the second half could also be the happiest phase. In the book The Happiness Curve: Why Life Gets Better After 50, Jonathan Rauch argues that happiness often increases in midlife and beyond.
The happiness curve is the lowest at the age of 44, moves up around 50, and increases in our 60s, 70s and 80s as we transition from social competition to social connection.
One of the classics on this topic is The Middle Passage: From Misery to Meaning in Midlife by James Hollis. It is a profound exploration of the psychological journey individuals undergo during midlife.
Drawing parallels with the transatlantic slave trade’s infamous “middle passage”, Hollis elucidates the turbulent inner voyage individuals must embark upon to navigate this transition effectively. Midlife is not merely a time of crisis but an opportunity for profound self-reflection and growth.
Some choices we make in our midlife will hurt, but we all must rely on our inner guidance system. This is when we find our inner voice, or rather, ask the question: how did we lose our inner voice?
One of my favourite books is The Second Mountain by David Brooks where he speaks about finding meaning and purpose beyond personal success. Brooks argues that many people follow a trajectory of pursuing individual achievement, represented by the metaphorical “first mountain”.
However, true fulfilment comes from ascending the “second mountain” by following values greater than oneself and committing to four concepts: a vocation, a marriage or family, a philosophy or faith, and a community.
And finally, I would mention Chip Conley’s Learning to Love Midlife, where he provides 12 reasons why life gets better with age as we stop caring about what people think of us and grow comfortable in our own skin. It is also when we step off the career treadmill and redefine what a successful life looks like.
In the first half of our lives, we live reactively, responsive to the expectations of the world around us. But the second half allows us to recover who we really are, and lead a life of personal authenticity.
This involves examining our narcissistic tendencies and developing the capacity to forgive ourselves and take responsibility for our failings instead of blaming everyone around us.
Can we become a beginner again? Can we shift from recreate to re-create? Can we reflect on the most important questions: the mystery of why we are here and how we are part of an unfolding mystery?
Let’s look at the second half of our lives with infinite possibilities, live with purpose and meaning, and wonder at the beauty of the world!