KOCHI: Mummy, Papa, I can’t do JEE. So I suicide [sic]. I am loser [sic]. I worst daughter [sic]. Sorry Mummy, Papa. This is the last option I have,” read a heart-wrenching suicide note of a teenager, who recently died in Kota, Rajasthan.
It is yet another reminder that competitive exams are a significant source of stress for students. Many get overwhelmed by self doubts, fear of losing, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts.
According to the NCRB data in 2021, the number of students who died by suicide was 13,089. ‘Failure in examination’ was one of the major culprits.
Notably, Prime Minister Narendra Modi recently emphasised on the need to negate stress during exams during his recent ‘Pariskha pe Charcha’ interactive session with students. “We must make our children resilient to pressure by teaching them to face challenges head-on,” he said.
Now, this brings to fore the question whether ‘Emotional Quotient’ needs to be given as much – if not more – importance as Intelligence Quotient (IQ).
“Our education system has become highly IQ-oriented now. I never was a topper in my academics (laughs). However, I have been a happy person all through,” senior psychiatrist Dr C J John recently said in an Express Dialogues session.
“I have faced many situations of stress and have been able to overcome them. But I have seen many toppers failing to cope with stressful situations. Why do we see suicides at IITs and IIMs? IQ is not the only thing that matters. If you have a strong EQ, you will survive better.”
Dr Arun B Nair, psychiatrist at the Thiruvananthapuram Medical College, agrees, stressing that “emotional and social intelligence are what people require more than academic intelligence”.
He cites a Harvard study, which says students with an IQ of 100-110 (average intelligence) were likely to be more successful in life than those with an IQ above 140.
“In today’s world, interpersonal skills and communication are paramount,” Dr Arun adds. “Those who have these skills are most likely to perform well and go higher, especially in their career.”
As per experts, the weighing of IQ over EQ of an individual or the complete neglect of emotional development over time is what often leads to crimes and suicides.
“IQ is the intelligence power that equips you to grasp, analyse things. EQ is a more humane aspect. It helps to face various ranges of situations with a wide variety of complexities throughout life, through emotional regulation,” says Dr Somanath C P, a psychiatrist in Kochi.
He adds that it is vital to instil “coping skills” in children. “While pursuing education, students are provided with basic amenities by the family. Often, the real struggle starts once they graduate,” he says.
“Issues like being unable to get a job, competitive workplace, financial crunches, relationship issues, etc., tend to get them easily ruffled and overwhelmed.”
Ajisha Sara Mohan, head of the psychology department in Sacred Heart College, Thevara, explains EQ as a vital part of emotional intelligence.
“When we say someone is emotionally intelligent, it’s based on four aspects,” she says. “Recognising and managing one’s own emotions, preventing them from dominating a situation. Sensing and effectively responding to the emotions of others. Demonstrating empathy. And, finally, being able to motivate oneself to achieve one’s goals.”
Ajisha, too, notes that research suggests that those who have a higher EQ perform better in life than those with a lower EQ. “There are limits when it comes to developing IQ beyond a point. However, we can use techniques early on to nurture emotionally intelligent children.”
”For instance, let’s teach children through games to accept failure gracefully. Make them understand that, regardless of their best efforts, one can fail. Such realisations contribute to the development of EQ.”
Ananthu Vasudev, a recruitment coach from Kottayam, says parents and schools should provide a secure and “non-judgemental atmosphere” for the children to communicate and be heard.
“Almost 95% of job seekers, irrespective of profession, struggle mainly with communication and confidence. In most cases, such aspirants would have faced situations which were dealt with unjustly or with partiality,” he adds.
“Ultimately, to build inner confidence, we need to realise our strengths and weaknesses. Unfortunately, such discoveries mostly do not often happen in our schools and colleges.”
Abdul Wahib, academic coordinator at Elegant IAS Academy in Kochi, highlights the need to dispel the stigma associated with seeking help. “Not many youngsters would be willing to consult a therapist. It would be great if coaching institutes can introduce such facilities,” he says.
“It would be not possible for teachers to give individual attention, especially when they have hundreds of students. However, a humane, friend-like approach in teaching can make a huge difference.”
Role of parents and teachers
According to Dr Arun, EQ is something that can be developed over time. “It will be beneficial if children are trained right from a young age. Parents should avoid comparisons. Instead, they should impart the idea of being content with what one has,” he says.
“Children should be motivated to develop their talents to the maximum without reference to others.”
Schools, too, should own up the responsibility to aid EQ development of children, Dr Arun adds. “They should give emphasis on life-skills education. Empathy, coping with stress, self-awareness, communication, etc., are crucial areas that should be covered,” he says.
“Also, humanitarian behaviour in children should be appreciated. This should be made as part of the curriculum. I would like to draw attention to the State Council of Educational Research and Training’s (SCERT) ‘Ullasaparavakal’ initiative. Teachers and parents can access the website, which recommends activities that can help strengthen a child’s emotional intelligence.”
Tips to enhance emotional intelligence
Model behaviour: Demonstrate desired emotional responses in various situations, helping children learn appropriate reactions
Encourage empathy: Acknowledge and praise instances when the child displays empathy, reinforcing the value of understanding others’ emotions
Effective communication: Instead of labelling behaviour, discuss the reasons behind it, allowing the child to understand and make informed choices
Emotional education: Integrate emotional intelligence into education through classroom discussions and extracurricular activities, fostering a supportive and non-judgemental environment
Balanced discipline: Address wrongdoings but avoid holding grudges, ensuring a fair and constructive approach throughout a child’s school life
Practical application: Engage in case studies, encourage opinions, and guide children through real-life situations to apply and internalise emotional intelligence
Flexibility and adaptability: Encourage children to cultivate a mindset of having alternative plans (Plan B), and finding satisfaction in adapting to the new outcome
Safe exploration: Allow children to explore life within a safe space, reducing burdensome expectations and fostering an open emotional bond through love and communication
Courtesy: Ajisha Sara Mohan, head of the psychology department, Sacred Heart College, Thevara