KOCHI: Parents of a teenage boy are worried about their son’s overindulgence in mobile phone and screen. Attempting to impose control evokes aggression and threats. The request is for an emergency intervention to make the boy disciplined!
As one traces their parenting approaches, the lack of effort to build a digital discipline is clearly evident. Very likely that he, as an infant, would have passively watched his mother passionately engaging in mobile phone, while he was being breastfed.
Allowing children to play with the gadget is a common strategy used by parents to engage kids while they are busy with other work. This boy also enjoyed such ‘privileges’. He was never initiated to healthy behaviours that balanced screen engagement with other activities vital for overall development.
Skills of socialisation, physical play, and other observational abilities were badly affected. He grew with no effective rules, limit setting or supervision. The boy obviously became confused and agitated when the permissiveness he enjoyed in childhood suddenly shifted to restrictions during teenage. Parents were desperate as his academic grades started falling down.
From problem-triggered parenting to a parenting culture
This is a representative situation to illustrate the prevailing faulty attitudes in parenting. Parenting is not just an emergency service or a crisis intervention strategy that has to be mobilised to put an erring child on track. Many start thinking of parenting when the child lags behind in studies or starts showing behavioural problems. Governed by a mindset of frustration, the parent most often assumes the role of an irritating authoritarian that yields more negativity from the child.
Preparation to become a parent has to begin from the time a couple plans to have a child. There is a need to evolve parenting styles tailored to the requirements of the child right from its birth. It must be woven with the thread of love, care and respect for the child. Home atmosphere for age appropriate communication with children is essential for an involved parenting. Partnership with sensitive teachers helps to perfect approaches.
Update and upgrade skills
Accept the fact that each child has unique potentials and weaknesses. The journey is to make the best out of this and not to impose parental expectations .
Tantrums and oppositional behaviours during early childhood are to be used as opportunities to provide baby lessons for discipline rather than letting it go as a child’s naughtiness. Saying no to excessive demands and wanting the child to postpone or sacrifice needs are also expressions of love. It is easier done early so that the child has an internal set of what’s right and what’s wrong as he grows.
Parenting is an ongoing and consistent process that needs to be upgraded in tune with the fast changing and challenging world children are exposed to. The objective shall be to transform a child into a confident, compassionate, self aware and resilient individual with abundance of positive life skills.
Eligibility check
You are eligible to be a parent if you can
Understand the child and the new world in which the child is
Always keep age appropriate communication channels open
Find quality time with the child, with no compromise
Discover positives in the child, which will be encouraging
Stop blaming, hurting and comparing
Be a role model and vigilant not to endorse faulty role models abundant in a child’s world today