KOCHI: The ‘inner child’ has been an in-thing of late. Not merely in the therapeutic sense that Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung advocated nearly a century ago, but also as a means for ordinary adults to reconnect with the joy and lightness they experienced as children.
“I thought it was new-age mumbo-jumbo when I first heard of it,” says Rashmi Menon, a Dubai-based engineer. “But as I explored it further, I found that indulging the inner child made me carefree and happy.”
Rashmi zeroed it down to ‘Chandamama’ magazine, which she loved thumbing through as a child. “I tracked down some copies and began rereading them. Now, I make time to read them every evening after work. It’s become a form of meditation for me,” she smiles.
The inner-child concept gained traction in the 1990s after American self-help pioneer John Bradshaw highlighted dysfunctional upbringings as a root cause of adult suffering. However, in recent years, the idea of nurturing or pampering one’s inner child has evolved beyond healing past wounds; today, many see it as a practice “just to be that happy child again”.
Krishna (name changed), for instance, was “crazy” about toy guns in his childhood. A media professional in his 40s, he still gets excited seeing replica guns at malls or temple fairs.
“Initially, I used to feel embarrassed and would pretend I was buying them for my son. But now, I don’t care,” he chuckles, adding that he’s eagerly awaiting the arrival of an “Airsoft BB M9 pistol, which is currently out of stock online”.
“I wanted to be a soldier, but life took a detour. Now, holding a replica takes me to a happy place, where I and my ‘inner I’ rejoice in unison.”
Another childhood fancy that has become a popular inner-child indulgence among adults is Hot Wheels. The growing adult interest in these miniature cars has nudged Mattel to produce limited-edition Hot Wheels for collectors.
Joseph Charly, as a sales operations lead in a cybersecurity firm, rekindled his love for Hot Wheels a few years ago. “As a child, I always dreamed of owning one. My family could afford only locally made toy cars, but I always wanted Hot Wheels,” he recalls.
“That desire grew into a passion, deepening my interest in cars. Now, when I can afford it, I collect Hot Wheels. It’s also a way to quench my desire for high-end luxury cars, which are beyond my means. But more than anything, it satisfies my ‘inner child’ and brings me the same joy I would have felt as a kid.”
Age is no barrier to this nostalgia trip. Sarojini Bai, 71, finds comfort in the fragrance of ‘bhasmam’ or ‘vibhuti’ (sacred ash), which takes her back to her childhood home, steeped in tradition and agriculture.
“During ‘Makarakoythu’ (harvest season from January to February), farmhands would separate paddy from chaff. The chaff and cow dung cakes would be dried and burnt to create white ash, which was then refined and kept in containers as ‘bhasmam’ for us to wear when stepping outside,” she recalls.
“I still try to make it at times. Just remembering the process and fragrance brings me peace, as though nothing has changed – I become that innocent little girl.”
Writer Shoukath A V attributes his love of nature to his childhood, when he would dawdle on his way to the madrassa – “purposely to avoid the classes” – by exploring the bamboo groves near his house.
“In those groves, I grew close to nature — the chirping birds, vibrant parrots, and elusive chameleons. That time awakened a space in me that still feels like home. I often revisit the place. It reconnects me to a world that’s indescribably calming.”
Shoukath also facilitates sessions for children and adults to reconnect with nature. “Keeping the inner child alive and happy is a great way to find peace. That child can also help one face the challenges of adult life,” he says.
The inner child remembers even things like the scent and touch of loved ones. “I can still feel my grandma’s warm kisses as she said goodbye after each summer break,” recalls researcher Manasvi N. “I was very close to her. When things get difficult, I think of her kiss and the sight of her fuzzy white-clad figure. It keeps me going.”
Experiences shape personalities, Shoukath notes, recalling a friend who, as a child, enjoyed giving rice to the needy along with his mother. “The sound of rice grains falling into their bowls or bags fascinated him. He still loves that sound,” he says. “Today, as a successful businessman, he finds peace in helping others.”
Although revisiting one’s inner child may seem fun and simple, it can also be a deeply emotional journey, says Kochi-based psychologist Shibili Suhanah. “It may seem like a fun, quirky pastime, but trace the activity back, and you might find an unprocessed emotion, perhaps something that has remained unresolved. The inner child invites us to revisit those emotions with the understanding of an adult.”
Dr Arun B, professor of psychiatry at Government Medical College, Thiruvananthapuram, says it is heartening to see adults reconnect with their inner child — “an act that can be immensely beneficial for mental wellness”.
However, he cautions about unhealthy “childhood baggage”, which must be addressed while nurturing one’s inner child.
“The innocence and uncorrupted thought processes that form the core of childhood are always very positive,” Dr Arun explains. “Adults who display universal oneness and equanimity have a charming calm about them. That can be easily achieved if one keeps alive the innocence and purity of a child within. But the flipside is immaturity, impulsiveness, and lack of responsibility.
“So, when we pamper the inner child, we should allow ourselves to be absorbed by the positives of childhood, its negatives should be kept at bay. A balanced approach is the key to fully nurturing the child within, and thus rejuvenating your core.”
Return to innocence
Lisha P Balan
The ‘inner child’ is the part of us that holds memories, feelings, and traits from childhood. This part of ourselves reflects innocence, playfulness, and curiosity, but it also carries any unresolved hurts, fears, or unmet needs from those early years.
The inner child isn’t just an idea — it’s a real and active part of who we are.
Childhood is a key time that shapes who we grow up to be. Experiences like trauma, neglect, or feeling misunderstood can leave lasting emotional marks that we carry into adulthood. By understanding our inner child, we can learn how it affects our emotions, relationships, and self-care, guiding us towards greater self-acceptance and healing.
Carrying the torch
When the inner child carries feelings of rejection, neglect, or low self-worth, this can show up as low self-esteem or a harsh inner voice in adulthood. Unresolved feelings may lead to behaviours such as self-sabotage, withdrawal, irritability, and difficulty in relationships.
Positive early experiences usually lead to secure, trusting relationships, while instability can lead to anxious or avoidant relationship patterns. Many adults fear conflict or rejection, which can make it hard to say ‘no’ or lead to overcommitting. By nurturing the inner child, we learn to meet our own needs, respect our limits, and build stronger self-worth.
Path to healing
Our inner child is always with us, no matter how old we are, making healing an important path to understanding ourselves and growing emotionally. Let yourself fully feel any strong emotions connected to childhood memories, like sadness or anger. Recognising and accepting these is an important first step.
Take time to revisit happy as well as difficult memories. Reflect on what you felt or needed back then, and approach these memories with kindness, seeing your younger self as someone who did their best. Treat yourself with the same gentle care you would show a child now.
Be a child again
Reconnect with childhood joys by doing things you loved as a kid. You could read or watch old favourites, play with retro toys, make comfort foods you enjoyed, look through family photos or old drawings, or visit places you often went to as a child. These fun moments can bring back feelings of joy, wonder, and creativity, giving your inner child a safe space to express itself.
You can also create a comforting mental ‘safe space’ where your inner child feels secure and valued. Return to this space whenever you feel stressed or vulnerable to strengthen your sense of security.
A therapist who understands inner child work can help you deal with past emotional issues, guiding you as you heal and meet needs that weren’t met in childhood. Healing your inner child can make you a stronger, happier, and more balanced adult, helping you stay connected to who you really are.
This approach lets you keep a sense of wonder while handling adult life with strength and stability. Connecting with your inner child isn’t about going back to being a kid — it’s about becoming a whole person who values both the wisdom of being an adult and the joys of childhood.
The writer is a clinical psychologist at Prayatna, Kochi