KOCHI: "My days slip away in a blur.”
In succinct words, Sunitha K encapsulates a heavy feeling shared by thousands of homemakers like her out there.
“Some days,” the mother of two continues to vent, “I have worked 12-16 hours straight without even sitting down. My day begins at about 4.30 in the morning, preparing breakfast for the kids and my husband. After that, I help the children get ready for school. Only after they leave do I get a moment to catch my breath, just enough time for my own morning routines."
“But before I know it, I am hauled right back into the chores: cleaning, washing, organising... By that time, it’s already noon. I rush to prepare snacks before the kids return home. After that, I step outside to do the yard work. It’s time to go back inside to make tea, and then dinner. I think for almost every homemaker a normal day is like this. And yet, there’s always something amiss, something more that needs to be done.”
Her words carry the exhaustion of slogging in a space that is not recognised as a ‘workspace’.
As World Mental Health Day 2024 focuses on prioritising “mental health in the workplace”, it is important to address the often invisible issue of homemakers’ mental well-being.
While much of the conversation about mental health focuses on corporate stress, the experiences of homemakers are rarely acknowledged. Their work is constant, with no financial incentives or promotions.
They juggle the pressures of managing households, family dynamics, societal expectations, and their own aspirations. Yet…
“The role of a homemaker is as important as that of a family member whose income is tangible,” the Supreme Court recently observed.
“If the activities performed by a homemaker are computed one by one, there cannot be any doubt that the contribution is of a high order and is invaluable. In fact, it is difficult to compute her contributions only in monetary terms.”
The remarks came as a court delivered a verdict on a case related to financial compensation to a family that lost a woman to a motor accident in Uttarakhand.
“One should never underestimate the value of a homemaker,” the court underscored.
The question is whether this will lead to any meaningful shift in how homemakers are valued in society.
“A homemaker receives little to no recognition in society. Most of them don’t have financial independence. Many women become homemakers not by choice but due to societal pressures,” says Sunitha.
Jayasree R, another homemaker from Alappuzha, echoes similar sentiments.
“My partner comes home stressed from work, and my son is anxious about his studies. Amidst all this, they rarely notice me or my stress levels,” she says.
“There is a belief that those of us who stay at home have it easier, but that’s far from the truth.”
The feeling of being “unrecognised” is painful, she adds. “The lack of acknowledgement often compounds stress, and that leads to conditions such as depression. Many women silently suffer,” she says.
Jayasree finds solace in prayer, meditation, and spending time with her pet dog. “Pets love and understand us, without expecting much in return,” she smiles.
Studies say women, in general, are more prone to depression. The lifetime prevalence of depression is 10 per cent in men, while it is 20 per cent in women. A report highlights that 38 per cent of homemakers suffer from borderline clinical depression.
According to the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), 22,372 died by suicide in 2020 - one every 25 minutes. They accounted for 14.6 per cent of the total suicides in India, and over 50 per cent of the total number of women who died by suicide.
In 2021, the figure rose to 23,178. It shot up to 25,309 in 2022.
“Depression is one of the most common mental health issues seen among homemakers,” notes Dr Arun B Nair, professor of psychiatry at the Government Medical College, Thiruvananthapuram.
“Then, there are cases of anxiety, insomnia, and somatoform disorders - unexplained physical symptoms such as low backache, neck pain, and discomfort in various body parts, with no physical illness.”
Homemakers usually face a lot of criticism in their lives, Dr Arun explains. “It is common for the earning spouse to put them down by saying they are not contributing anything to the family. This scars them,” he says.
“After a certain stage, when the children reach adolescence, they may also act like this.”
Dr Arun insists that families should “express gratitude” to the homemaker on a regular basis.
“This simple acknowledgement will give her a sense of well-being, positively affecting her physical state and even immunity,” he adds.
“Because the lack of recognition leads to stress, and after a while, they may burn out. When in a burn-out state, they may wonder why they are doing all these things and what they are getting in return. They may slip into depression, sleep disturbances, or anxiety disorders. Their immunity may decline, leading to infections and lifestyle-induced diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, rheumatoid arthritis, stomach ulcers, etc.”
Merryn Tharakan, a family therapist, echoes the same, adding that it is vital to keep the mental health of a homemaker intact for the whole family’s welfare.
“Imbalance in household responsibilities also takes a huge toll on homemakers. This unfair dynamic is compounded by cultural pressures that portray sacrifice as a trait of an ‘ideal woman’ or ‘ideal mother’,” she says.
“Any act of self-care or boundary-setting is frequently viewed as selfish, leaving women to shoulder the burden of maintaining household harmony without an outlet for their feelings.”
‘Master-servant dynamic’
Writer Sara Joseph concurs. “In most households, women are responsible for feeding and caring for the family,” she notes. “Yet they often fail or struggle to care for themselves, pursue their interests, travel, or enjoy personal freedom. Denying women their basic rights will naturally affect their mental health.”
Sara points out that women are rarely given equal say or share in family finances.
“The role of a homemaker lacks democratic equality,” he says. “This creates a deep sense of insecurity. The solution is to democratise families and deconstruct the master-servant dynamic. Bringing about this change is a collective responsibility of society.”
According to Tanya Abraham, a writer who recently curated an art project exploring women’s positions and identities with respect to kitchens, the dynamics of family relationships play a huge role.
“A woman can be happy being a homemaker if the other members of the family value her. The positioning of a woman in the family is important,” she says.
“There is nothing wrong with women being homemakers; it’s one of the most important ‘jobs’. After all, the person who makes a house a home is the homemaker. The change needed is in the way society views this role.”
Wellness Tips for homemakers
Aim for at least 1 hour of physical exercise daily
Ensure at least 7 hours of sleep at night. Lack of sleep can lead to various health problems.
Spend at least 1 hour daily bonding with family.
Dedicate at least 1 hour each day to activities you love, such as listening to music, painting, dancing, or writing.
Engage in anything that brings you joy. Include ‘me time’ in daily schedule.