Bringing up the boys, the right way
Who is talking to the boys? Especially at a time when teenagers are increasingly turning to the internet for answers about identity, masculinity and relationships?
World over, experts have been saying, the unmonitored digital consumption has created a generation of young boys, even more emotionally vulnerable than before.
That’s where The Gentle Boys Club, an NGO founded by Priyamvada Mehra, comes in. The team is attempting to create change, by building a space where conversation, emotional literacy and self-awareness take centre stage.
The initiative recently conducted its pilot workshop in Kochi, in association with The Little Big Festival, bringing together around 12 boys aged between 13 and 17.
The session marked the beginning of what the team hopes will become a sustained engagement with young boys in Kerala, and eventually, beyond.
“We’re a relatively new organisation, and are just starting our work in India. It’s exciting because we’re trying to fill a huge gap that exists,” shares Priyamvada, who has studied Social Work at Delhi University and is settled in Amsterdam.
"Having grown up in Delhi", Priyamvada says she has witnessed, "how deeply normalised violence and gender inequality can be." The system is broken, she adds. “Most people don’t even realise they are living with abuse because it is so normalised. So I started thinking — what if we work with boys before these ideas harden?”
That is why her focus is on pre-teens and teenagers. “Boys are still forming their understanding of masculinity. They are learning from parents, from peers, and now heavily from the internet,” she explains.
She points to the rise of hyper-masculine influencers online and the lack of open conversations around consent, relationships and emotional health that could lead them astray at an impressionable age. “There is no framework for them. We don’t talk openly about sex or consent. So boys go to the internet to look for answers,” she says.
The Gentle Boys Club aims to fill that gap — without shaming or blaming. The team used games disguised as social experiments to introduce ideas such as privilege, empathy and power. “We don’t say this is about gender or that you will grow up to become a bad man,” she explains. “The moment one is too explicit, it is shut down.”
In one activity, the boys were split into two groups and asked to build a balloon tower. One group was given a tape; the other was not. The exercise sparked confusion and frustration. Only later was the concept of uneven power and privilege introduced. “That is how we bring in the idea of privilege,” she says. “Without instructing them. They experience it first.”
The sessions are playful, competitive and carefully structured. Men lead the sessions as she insists that it is important these messages come from grown-up men themselves.
The session lasted two and a half hours, and pre- and post-session surveys were conducted to measure shifts in attitudes. “We are building proof of evidence,” she says. Early responses suggest boys began reflecting more on consequences and on how their actions affect others.
Parents responded positively as well, with many of the mothers asking for special sessions involving fathers.
For Priyamvada and her team, this is only the beginning. The long-term vision includes working across different socio-economic groups and eventually entering schools as part of structured programmes. “This is not the problem of one class or one community,” she says. “It is everywhere.”
Rather than just one workshop, the vision is to develop structured, age-appropriate modules that can be integrated into school calendars over time. By working directly with educational institutions, they hope to normalise conversations around emotional literacy, consent, peer pressure and healthy masculinity within classrooms.
“We’re raising boys in a world full of grey areas, but we still teach them in black and white. Gentle Boys Club creates a space where boys can safely experience ambiguity, discomfort and choice, because that’s where real emotional intelligence is built,” Sanaa A'esha, founder of Little Big Festival
According to the team, the idea is to make these discussions a regular part of growing up, not a reactive intervention, but a preventive framework embedded within the school ecosystem.
Following the success of the Kochi pilot, the Gentle Boys Club plans to conduct more workshops across Kerala and, in time, beyond.
For details, email: hello@gentleboysclub.com