Use a safety pin. Carry a pointy umbrella. Keep pepper spray in your bag. Shout out. Click a photo. Record a video.
Across generations, women have built survival manuals and quick strategies to thwart sexual harassment in public spaces. These tips, born out of necessity, are passed down word of mouth.
For decades, many girls and women have also been taught something else — to not ‘make a scene’, to avoid ‘unnecessary attention’, to not ‘inconvenience’ people around, to not become an ‘object of ridicule’, to ignore and move on with ‘grace’… to be a silent sufferer.
But time has called for a shift. Conversations around safety and assertion of one’s dignity have become louder, more urgent today.
Yet, courage in moments of threat does not come automatically for most. Many freeze. Some dissociate. Others second-guess themselves, letting perpetrators walk away without consequence.
So, how do we equip at least the coming generations to be alert, confident and unafraid?
Building strength early
“Start young,” says martial arts trainer Karthik Ponnambalam. “Don’t limit teaching to ‘good touch, bad touch’. Help children build muscle memory. Teach self-defence techniques from Class 4 and ensure they continue practising at least the basics. This will empower them to tackle difficult situations.”
Master Suran P of Bodhidharma martial arts school echoes the view. “Teaching women and children to fight back is not enough. Targeted training helps them strike sensitive points to thwart an attacker without much effort,” he says.
Both stress that martial arts offer more than just physical strength. “Any artform teaches self-discipline and the ability to handle situations calmly,” says Karthik.
Such a mindset, Suran adds, is crucial so that one does not get startled and unnerved in uncomfortable situations.
Trusting the body
Kochi-based psychologist Seema Girija Lal agrees. The first line of defence, she says, is psychological.
She emphasises that “mindset training” must start early, teaching children and teenagers to not to ignore or endure discomfort.
“We also need to reframe the narrative. The girl or victim is not the one who needs to be ‘fixed’ or taught how to behave in public,” she adds.
Seema summarises her ideas through a framework she calls ‘CARE’.
C: Connect to your body
“Trust that your body has a history of wisdom; it never lies. If you feel a sensation of violation, you do not need external validation. That internal signal is the truth,” she says.
A: Assign the need for regulation
“The violator is the one who lacks the capacity to regulate impulses, urges and actions. Assign the issue to their lack of control, not your presence.”
R: Recruit support
“Do not wait for things to escalate. Use police apps, emergency numbers, or call a trusted person instantly. Share your live location,” she advises.
E: Evaluate and exit
“In settings such as a metro, bus, mall or cinema hall, voice your problem clearly. However, in high-risk environments like an isolated street or while under threat from a group under the influence, priority is to exit first, then report.”
Adding to Seema’s framework that teaches children to trust themselves, Anu Suraj, founder of Swaraksha NGO, believes in teaching adults to become safe anchors.
“Building trust in the younger generation is essential for undoing the conditioning older generations grew up with,” she says.
“The basic thing to do is listen actively and genuinely to whatever a child says. They should feel there is someone to hear them out, no matter what.”
When a child speaks about discomfort, fear or harassment, the most basic response is to listen without interruptions, disbelief or judgement. “This helps the child feel seen and heard, removes shame, and makes them more confident about speaking up in time.”
Equally important is what not to say. “Do not ask distressing or probing questions that imply blame, ‘Why did you go there? What were you wearing? Why didn’t you stop it?’ Such questions re-traumatise them and make silence feel safer than speaking up,” says Seema.
Instead, simple statements matter. “Reassuring words like ‘I am very glad you told me’, ‘This is not your fault’, and ‘You don’t deserve this’ help children understand that responsibility lies with the perpetrator, not them. That’s the first step to self-assurance and confidence,” says Seema.
All experts agree that safety training must start early — long before an incident occurs.
“Teach children consent, boundaries, emotional literacy and respect. Schools must be involved too,” says Anu.
“Children should learn to identify unsafe situations, trust their instincts and name the discomfort they feel. Verbalising feelings is essential.”
Undoing social conditioning is not about erasing what has happened. It’s about unlearning fear, shame and self-blame. “Children need to hear repeatedly that harassment does not happen because of their behaviour, clothing, friendliness or silence. This has to be reinforced again and again,” says Anu.
She also urges adults to challenge everyday expectations that children should ‘adjust’ to discomfort to be polite. “That expectation itself needs to change. Do not normalise behaviours that protect abusers,” she says.
Another crucial aspect is understanding trauma responses.
“I often hear people ask, ‘Why didn’t the survivor speak up earlier?’ But not everyone responds immediately. There may be freeze responses, confusion, compliance or delayed reporting. These are protective responses. The body and mind are trying to keep one safe,” says Anu.
“Explaining this to children prevents self-judgement and shame.”
Seema explains this through a simple analogy. “Think of a harasser as a reckless driver whose brakes have failed. You would never blame the pedestrian for the car swerving at them,” she says.
“The danger comes from the driver’s loss of control — not the pedestrian’s presence. And if you froze seeing the car approach, that wasn’t weakness; it was your brain calculating survival.”
A new conditioning
Children learn more from observation than from instruction. If we want them to understand consent, respect and accountability, adults must practise it consistently — at home, in classrooms and in communities.
Anu suggests replacing fear-based messaging with skill-based learning. “Instead of teaching children to be constantly alert or afraid, teach emotional awareness, boundary-keeping, help-seeking and assertive communication in age-appropriate ways,” she says.
Ultimately, equipping the younger generation is not only about pepper spray or self-defence classes. It is about teaching them to trust their instincts, speak without shame, seek help without fear, and understand that safety is a right and not a privilege earned through silence.