CHENNAI: I am an architecture student and I recently got admission into Delft Technical University, Netherlands, for my postgraduation. I have a large close-knit family. Once my relatives came to know that I will be mortgaging my parents’ property for my studies, they have been passing remarks and opinions that is largely affecting my self esteem. No one wants to know anything about the course I will be pursuing or its credibility; all they are talking about is the loan I will be taking. I was surprised that this behaviour of theirs hurt me. I thought it wouldn’t matter to me what others say and my decisions will not be taken to please others. But unfortunately, I was wrong. I am undergoing great pain because of this. I am also embarrassed to tell people that I have gotten admission to such a prestigious university. I am now thinking about refusing the offer.
I sense the pain you are going through. I am taking this response as an opportunity to walk along with you in the situation you are in. Let’s explore how you can learn to construct a healthy experience at this juncture. Your sentence “I thought it wouldn’t matter to me what others say” is an unrealistic expectation and too rigid a standard you are setting for yourself. This idea that I will “Never Get Hurt” will hinder an authentic experience. It is healthy to be authentic than to avoid a painful experience. So you can appreciate that you can experience your feelings. It is important to accept yourself with feelings.
This need to be strong also limits you from receiving support from your parents. When they are ready to mortgage the property to support your studies, you are not receiving it happily. You seem to feel vulnerable in taking this help. You deserve this support. Hence, affirm to yourself, “I feel loved by receiving support and I deserve to be blessed and guided in the journey of life”. This affirmation will help you flow with life. Say this affirmation daily.
I sense a sadness in your sentence, “No one wants to know anything about the course I am pursuing or its credibility; all they are talking about is the loan I will be taking”. Maybe you are feeling let down by them. You are also feeling angry that your relatives are not appreciative of your achievements. These feelings are natural and it is okay to have these feelings. This is becoming a painful experience because of your need to get approval from others for your actions.
Getting other people’s approval is not your hands. Repeat this affirmation to yourself, “I let go of the need to seek approval from others for my actions and all is well in my world”. This will help you let go of your focus from your relative’s comments and will divert your attention to what you want to achieve in your life. All the best!