I am a second-year engineering student and I am often worried about my future. I am shy and lack confidence when it comes to communicating with people. I get depressed by negative comments. My parents and my sibling are in high positions and as I am not so, I feel very low, like I am not good enough, when I look at them. Please suggest how I can gain confidence while speaking in public and to succeed in life.
Your worry will lead to anxiety and this will in turn create an uneasiness in you, which will affect your confidence to create your future. Instead of working with worry, I shall suggest another route. Ask this question to yourself, “What would you be doing if you were not indulging in worry about the future?” List the answer that comes to you and focus your energy to make these answers a reality.
This approach will be solution-focused rather than focusing on the problem. It will help you gain confidence now and for your future endeavours. Your sentence, “My parents and my sibling are in high positions and as I am not so, I feel very low, like I am not good enough, when I look at them,” shows you are coming from a framework of “I am not okay and others are okay”. When you see others’ success, you are not counting your achievements and good qualities.
From now, when you look at what others have, you will also count what strengths you have and this will help you stay balanced and build your self esteem. I understand how painful it must be for you to hear negative comments from people. In order to deal with this, you have to learn to set personal boundaries. When people don’t set firm psychological boundaries, they may become doormats and others may walk over them. You may take some assertiveness training which will help you hold your personal power, no matter what others say about you.
In order to gain confidence in public speaking, first choose a simple topic and write your speech. Read it many times, memorise it and then practise in front of the mirror. This will help you observe your body language. The next step is to talk on the same topic and record it, listen to it and improve your voice modulation. Visualise an audience before you as you deliver a speech.
At a comfortable point, request a few friends to be your audience and talk before them and take their feedback as a positive input for growth. When you put these ideas into practice consistently, one day you will be surprised to see yourself speaking in public with confidence and ease. All the best!