We regularly talk to our family members. The question is, do we take time to talk, and if we do, how do we talk to each other?
In my observation, family members often do not maintain eye contact when they talk to each other. Our eyes are communicative and expressive. Through facial gestures we can communicate that “all is well” even when we may feel otherwise. But eyes are always authentic and they communicate what our true state is. When we learn to use eye contact while communicating it can be an easy access to understanding, and increase intimacy among family members.
I suggest you do this exercise to enhance awareness of eye-to-eye communication, take time to observe your eye contact with family members. When do you avoid eye contact? In which situations and why? With whom do you have easy eye contact and with whom do you have difficulty having one? Why do other people have difficulty having eye contact with you? These self explorations can throw light on your concerns, deepest fears, wants and needs.
A family came to me for counselling when the parents found that their daughter was irritated all the time. I realised that the daughter was hiding her anxiety behind the irritable behaviour. I noticed that when the parents spoke to the girl in my presence, the daughter did not make eye contact with the father. When I facilitated an interaction with eye contact between the daughter and the father, she narrated her fears. She had become anxious after a mild heart attack that her father had suffered around an year ago. The daughter had been carrying the weight of the family with the fear of what might happen to the family if her father dies, as he was the only bread winner. This helped the family understand her anxiety as well as her love towards the family and the responsibility she takes beyond her age. When the father assured her that he will take care of his heath and the family, she felt at ease and she was less anxious.
Family is a system where we have an impact on each other. Becoming aware of the importance of eye-to-eye communication can help us know the intensity of the love and respect we have for the other. Communicating at eye level is a demonstration of a healthy attitude. Through good family interaction and communication, we can build a healthy family and that can have a healthy impact on society too.