Dearest Readers,
Firstly, I have a confession to make. Not to flaunt my humility, but truly...a majority of you have expressed that I'm adding value to your lives with my work. Today's the day I return that compliment to you all, as you're doing the same. I say this as some of the queries that I receive makes me introspect to such a level, that I thank you all for giving me the opportunity to ponder over it.
Thanatophobia
The fear of death is known as Thanatophobia. Death especially is feared by a majority of us. But how each one of us deal with it is based on a lot of factors, like our personality, profession, beliefs, coping mechanisms, people around us, etc.
Keeping it simple...on the surface, here's how different types of people perceive Thanatophobia. An authoritative person might fear the loss of control after death. An individual with low self–esteem might fear if anyone will ever remember them even. A leader might worry about who will continue to lead his people effectively after he's gone.
But when it is experienced on a deeper level, it leads to anxiety issues, palpitations, hysterical behavior and depressions.
Why do We Feel This?
Phobias have one thing in common...UNRESOLVED CONFLICTS. According to the father of psychology – Sigmund Freud, in a majority of cases, Thanatophobia is often characterised by an unresolved conflict which we have experienced but haven't been able to get over effectively. As time passes, it gets pushed to our subconscious and lingers there. When similar experiences get repeated, we experience this phobia, which our conscious doesn't remember...but our subconscious does. Since there is a distortion in communication between the two, we just feel the phobia but are seldom aware WHY?
Is it Natural?
Fearing death is definitely natural...but the depth of the fear is what makes the difference. It also depends in what age you feel it at. Elders feel it is very common as the urge to spend more time with their loved ones is understood, but if people in their prime or middle age feel it, when they have no medical complications... then it is something that definitely needs to be attended to.
Forget DEATH...Start to LIVE!
My first Advice – Talk about it! It's OK!
In my clinical practice, a majority of my clients who suffered from this phobia made it worse by not expressing it to anyone, as it made them feel weak, incapable and cowardly. Especially the males, who felt their ego would take a hit and perceived that they would be termed "weak" if they talked about this with their wives or children. Remember! The more you suppress it, the bigger the damage later!
Write it Off!
Another effective method that helps to get over this phobia is writing it down like this:
When did you feel it? What was the situation in which you felt it? What was running through your mind when you wrote it down?
My Final Word!
Ladies and Gentlemen, no one wants to die! But reality bites and in the end, we all do.
Wasting time thinking about dying... We often forget LIVING! We have ONE LIFE! LIVE IT!
MAKE THE MOST OF IT!
Don't follow death... Rather, LEAD A LIFE!
Life's not to be wasted on the past or future, rather the present is to be experienced to the FULLEST!
Be positive, to such an extent that DEATH fears you, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!
With Regards, Adarsh Basavaraj
The Coach
I am scared of death. How can I overcome this fear? Beyond the Veil
My best friend's mother doesn't let him talk to me. She thinks I am in a gay relationship with him. But I am not. I love him like a brother. Please help me convince her. Too Much Dostana
It's funny how sometimes the evolution and acceptance of new ways of life will lead to complications like these. Firstly, are you sure, that you're not romantically attracted to him? (Just kidding). One quick solution to this would be to introduce your girlfriend to his mother so that she knows for sure that you're straight. If you're single, there's a chance you guys are too comfortable with each other and maybe spending too much time with each other. Maybe your "Bromance" is too much for her to handle. There's also a chance she might have seen you guys do something that has made her uncomfortable. For example, it's normal to say "I love you", "Hugs" etc to brothers. I've done it and still do it. But when parents see this, they freak out and think of the worst. My advice – first thing, stop being seen together all the time, especially at his place. Give some space to each other. I say this as when you both get busy and aren't able to meet, it shouldn't shake you both up. Lastly, have a frank talk with his mother.
No one in my family thinks I am a talented person. How do I convince them? Gotta Show 'em
First, understand that talent is an ability that you're naturally good at. It's something that's within you and cannot be bought from a shop or acquired from someone else. With a calm mind, sit and think about what comes naturally to you, what you're able to do very easily without much effort that others considerably find difficulty in. It might be dancing, singing, your way with technology etc and then focus your time and energy on developing that talent and slowly make that your full–time profession. My talent was being able to talk to anyone, which in turn helped me be an excellent therapist, corporate trainer, presenter and speaker. Don't worry, your family will be proud of you once you know your talent.
I have no hope. My parents passed away four years ago. I live with my relatives and don't have any siblings. I did engineering but don't have a job. I don't have money for GATE coaching. My relatives aren't able to find me a groom. I have thought about suicide. What should I do? Rock Bottom
Hey Buddy, hold on! Yes! It's very tough to get over your parents passing away. Let me help you here first. Take your own time to accept this, because if you put a deadline and expect to be fine by a particular time, it's not going to happen. So its OK to think about them and miss them over and over. It's very exhausting physically, emotionally and spiritually, so please ensure that you eat well and get plenty of rest. Please take the support of a good, supportive friend. Do something to distract yourself and do things that make you happy. Everything else...like getting a job, good groom etc will only happen when you get the charm back in your life. Search for good job consultants and seek their help. No matter how big or small, just get into the first job that you get. Remember, your parents have done everything possible to give you a good life, and if you think of killing yourself, you're going to make them suffer even now. Make them proud wherever they are, by bouncing back in your life and ROCKING IT!
I failed my 10th board exams, but wrote my 12th exams this year. Now I am worried that I might not pass my 12th boards as well. What should I do? My father will kill me if I don't pass. Angry Dad Alert!
Regarding your query,
I completely understand what you're going through. Once you fail, you tend to be afraid of the same experience being repeated, especially that of failure.
But let's face reality buddy. Whether you pass or fail, it's far too late to worry about it now. Just hope for the best and be prepared to face whatever happens. In case the worst happens, make sure you prepare better next time. It's certainly not the end of the world. But if you've taken things too easy and haven't put in effort, you better face the music.
Regarding your father, it is but natural for him to get angry. However, try to catch him in a cool mood and have a frank, heart-to-heart talk with him. Tell him why you're facing this challenge, and promise him that you'll make a better effort next time. But remember, don't just promise...stick to it! One tip, write and practice...that does involve a bit of hard work...but it's the secret to success. My Guarantee!
My friend likes me a lot, but i don't like him so much. I am a 10th standard girl. Should I be friends with him?
Every Romantic Movie
I completely understand what you're going through. It's natural to feel this at your age. But also remember, you're too young to actually understand the complexities of relationships now. Trust me when I say this. See my column and you'll understand how people much much older to you are also having a tough time handling relationships. In your case, since he "likes" you a lot, it'll soon become "Love" as you call it...and based on his personality, his behaviour might not make you very comfortable. Since you're already clear that you don't like him that much, it's better to be very civil, i.e. just a "Hi" and "Bye" kind of a thing. Because if you continue to be friends with him in spite of knowing he has feelings for you, it's nothing but encouraging him to think that you too like him 'A LOT', and if things get ugly...you will have no one but yourself to blame for what might happen later on.
I want to make a lot of money. What is the way to do that? Raking in the Moolah
I really hope that you're referring to "EARNING" Money... if you "MAKE" money, it is termed counterfeiting and it's ILLEGAL. Buddy! I'm extremely sorry to say this..."You're asking the wrong guy!" I have only served people and still haven't figured out how to make money.
Here's my advice, based on my experience. Always remember that life is really funny. I say this because...what you want the most, will eventually become the toughest to get. So if you focus on money, chances are that you're missing out opportunities that might give you a lot of it.
If you're sound financially, start a business that you're interested in. Grow it, work hard and money will flow. But as I always say... all you have to do is follow your passion, do what you LOVE, Do what you're really interested in and money will automatically follow. You also get a bonus...Fame!