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This Poltergeist Won't Even Chill Cold Water

Published: 25th May 2015 06:00 AM  |   Last Updated: 24th May 2015 11:19 PM   |  A+A-

Poltergeist

There are two types of people who watch remakes. The ones who crib about it deviating too far from the original. And the ones who complain that it’s a direct rip-off and has nothing new. News flash: Poltergeist isn’t for either of them. It isn’t even for people who are just settling in for their weekly dose of horror.

Built around the same premise as Tobe Hooper’s 1982 classic of the first name, Poltergeist 2015 (Yes, i’m going to call it that so that the original doesn’t get offended), has the Bowen family moving to a slightly creepy suburb with a weird tree in the backyard and power lines running just behind the settlement. They’re moving because Eric (Sam Rockwell) has just been laid off and Amy (Rosemary Dewitt) is stuck with three kids to raise on cancelled credit cards.

Polterg.JPGAlmost immediately after they move in, Griffin (Kyle Catlett), the in-betweener, begins to notice weird things about the house — a clutch of clowns in a closet, balls spinning and moving towards the closet and most importantly, his kid sister Madison talking to the closet. Pretty well set up until this point. Right after, there’s a violent storm and weird things start attacking the three kids while their parents are away — with the poltergeists snatching Madison into their realm (NOT beneath their house, but a different dimension) to use her purity to get to ‘the light’. The family is spooked and desperately want her back, their only means of communicating with her being through the fuzzy ultra flat screen TV.

Poltergeist cannot be faulted for being too out there. Practically every good horror movie gag that has been used till date is in it. It’s just that it’s a little too brusque. Clowns moving around the room while you’re out — cool. Clowns jumping at you and trying to kill you, before the intermission - not cool. And the cliches just don’t stop.

Their only hope is reaching out to the folks at a University’s Supernatural Department — who are convinced that there are poltergeists at play after their fancy equipment gets all kind of hits. They then call in Carrigan Burke (Jared Harris), a TV star who de-spooks haunted houses. From this point on in, the whole film is a pointless descent into contrived situations, most of which fail to get even the cast to look scared. The film really hits the pits when Griffin ventures into poltergeist dimension to guide his sister back - and we catch first sight of them: the quality of the animation here is so poor that they look like a cross between sludge and the Silver Surfer, when dunked in acid. This will automatically provide the answer to the question, when it pops up in your head: ‘Can this sink any lower?’ Scarily enough, the answer is Yes.

Verdict: You should be scared of watching this movie, especially if you’re paying for it



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