HYDERABAD: Parenthood is a difficult job, but doing all of it alone is one big roller coaster ride. When you are alone in this ride, you cannot be partially involved in your child’s life. You have to take care of everything –their education, eating habits, recitals, entertainment and both physical and mental well-being. But with all these responsibilities, you also get happiness of being a parent – the joy, the hugs and kisses, the feeling of pride and everything that your little ones have to offer.
Being a single father is probably one of the toughest jobs and we generally overlook how these single fathers transform from men to fathers when they become the only member of the parenting team.
“I became a better father after I lost my wife 10 years back. Now, I can cook everything that my children want. I have become more responsible. I can also braid my 17-year-old daughter’s hair, teach my 17-year-old son, play basketball with them and also give them warm hugs (just like their mother) when they are low. I have to be a Superman. There is no other option, says a techie from Hi-tech city and father of two teenage twins.
Being a single father to a daughter is more challenging, says Jagadeesh Kota, father of two children. Jagadeesh, a businessman, lives with his mother and two children aged 12 and 19. “It’s easier for my son to share his problems with me, but my daughter seems uncomfortable discussing it. I lost my wife six years ago, and I am yet to make peace with my daughter. I am sure in a few years, I will become her support, the way her mom was.”
‘That day I saw a mother in him’
Shortly after her mother’s death, Rahila, 25, got engaged. A few months later, she decided to call it off. None of her family members including her father Iqbal Ahmed supported her decision. She was alone. Her father, an accountant in a beedi factory, made an attempt to understand her and called off the wedding. Rahila now works in an IT company and is to get married soon to a man of her choice.
“It was that day when I saw a mother in him; a mother I had lost to cancer. It’s been two years now and yes, I still miss her but I am glad that I have a father who understands me and respects my choices.”
‘Understood feminism’
When my twins, son and daughter, turned 17, they wanted to study commerce and then do MBA. Initially, I was sceptical about permitting my daughter to study for five years and then work. But one day I heard her discussing it with my son. Her arguments, logical thinking and her clear ideas made me realise that she is capable of fulfilling all her dreams and that I have made her strong and smart enough to decide for her own,” says the 40-year-old father.
Just like in the book ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns,’ Laila’s father explained her, “Marriage can wait, education cannot…You can be anything you want, Laila”, this father too let his little daughter fly high.
Sailing together
With a shaky voice, Iqbal Ahmed says: Rahila is getting married in a few months. I am happy for her but, after she is gone, the house will be empty. I will miss Rahila being around.
Just a few months after her wife’s death, Iqbal was getting treated for tumour. That was the time, he says, that Rahila took over everything and became a mother to him. She shares the load of household chores and wedding preparations with her father.
Their story is quite similar to the 2016 blockbuster Piku where the daughter turns a mother-like figure, works and also takes care of the house and her father. No wonder, Ahmed’s house will lose the ‘charm’, as he likes to describe, when she gets married.
Missing their favourite woman
Another father says that he and his ten-year-old son are still learning to live without their favourite woman. “He and I are sailing in the same boat. We are each other’s support system. It’s hard at times but when I see his smiling face, I know things will be fine and I try harder to fill the void in his life.”
He adds: I just want my son to be happy. Everyday at night, I sit with him and explain how tough life is. As a ten-year-old, he has seen enough when his mother died four years ago,” says the concerned dad.
Just like Christopher Gardner in the movie ‘Pursuit of Happyness’ ensures that his son is tough to take life as it comes, he wants his little boy to be strong enough to face all shortcomings that might come his way.
Work-life balance
One of the biggest challenges according to single fathers is balancing their work and personal life. “The main stress is earning enough for their education and at the same time giving time to each of my children. Some years ago, I was a messy husband and father. I didn’t really care how the household chores are being carried out and never checked on my children’s school work. But, now I try to do everything perfectly,” says a father of two twin teenagers.
Rarely do we count single fathers when we talk about breaking stereotypes, but daddies seem to be doing just that and with elan!