KOCHI: Parenting is the process of taking care of a child's physical, emotional, social and intellectual development from birth till he or she is able to survive by himself or herself. From talking and reading to infants to enunciating values, parents exert enormous influence over their child's development. It's especially important that parents give children a good start, but it's also important for parents to recognize that kids come into the world with their own temperaments. Hence it's the parents' job to provide an interface with the world that eventually prepares a child for complete independence.
In a rapidly changing world, parenting seems subject to fads and changing styles, and parenting in some ways has become a competitive sport. Everyone wants to be a 'perfect parent', which is almost impossible. But the needs of child development as delineated by science remain relatively stable. There is such a thing as overparenting, and aiming for perfection in parenting might be a fool's mission. Too much parenting cripples children as they move into adulthood and renders them unable to cope with the merest setbacks. Of course, there is also such a thing as too-little parenting, too, and research establishes that lack of parental engagement often leads to poor behavioral outcomes in children. Harsh or authoritarian styles of parenting can have the same effect.
The National Academy of Sciences delineates four major responsibilities for parents as maintaining children's health and safety, promoting their emotional well-being, instilling social skills and preparing children intellectually. Numerous studies suggest that the best-adjusted children are reared by parents who find a way to combine warmth and sensitivity with clear behavioral expectations. Parents may find the four C’s to be a helpful acronym: care (showing acceptance and affection), consistency (maintaining a stable environment), choices (allowing the child to develop autonomy), and consequences (applying repercussions of choices, whether positive or negative).
Going back to school
For children who despise the school experience, starting the new academic year can be a source of incomparable stress that triggers anxiety, frustration, and even fear. Unfortunately, students are notoriously bad at accurately identifying their true problems and explaining why they prefer to avoid certain environments. If you hear comments from kids such as “school is stupid,” “we never learn anything” and “the teacher doesn’t like me” it is possible these remarks are smokescreens designed to psychologically insulate the student from what they anticipate might happen when school begins. However, as a parent, there are a few concrete steps that you can take to avoid a potentially negative school experience. Create an end of summer routine. Research reveals that students who prepare in advance for the challenges of school have more positive emotions about school and perform better academically. You can create a proxy routine by scheduling leisure activities, reading and sleep according to certain times, offering kids the opportunity to journal the highlights of summer vacation or have them make to-do lists. These techniques promote a mindset of consistency and structure which can easily be transitioned into the mechanized rigors of the school year.
Set reasonable expectations from your kids and avoid comparing them with their peers. One of the most common drivers of student stress is the perceived inability to meet the expectations of parents and teachers. When children believe they lack the intellectual horsepower to be successful they often put forth less effort and become resistant to academic challenges. While it is crucial for parents to provide academic support and encourage educational interest, setting unrealistic learning goals like earning straight A’s or getting a perfect test score can backfire. One other reason students may dread the return to school is because they feel inferior when being compared to others. Parents can help their child by encouraging comparisons to one’s own past performance. When kids realize that they have improved from prior years they will feel a sense of pride and accomplishment, which in turn will help them associate school with positive emotions rather than frustration or failure.