In abusive dynamics, the most dangerous distortion is not always the harm itself, but the story told around it. When perpetrators deny, deflect, and recast themselves as the wronged party, victims are left grappling not just with trauma, but with doubt—about what happened, what they feel, and whether they are to blame. This psychological sleight of hand, now recognised as DARVO, reveals how easily truth can be inverted and how quietly victimhood can be stolen.
DARVO—short for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim, and Offender—is a psychological manipulation tactic identified by Jennifer Freyd. It describes how perpetrators respond when confronted: first by denying wrongdoing, then attacking the accuser’s credibility, and finally recasting themselves as the true victim. What makes DARVO particularly insidious is its ability to distort reality so convincingly that the focus shifts away from the original harm and onto the victim’s supposed faults.
In practice, DARVO thrives on confusion and emotional destabilisation. Victims may find themselves apologising, second-guessing their memories, or feeling guilty for speaking up, even when they were wronged. Over time, this reversal erodes self-trust and makes it harder to recognise abuse for what it is. Whether in intimate relationships, families, or workplaces, DARVO operates as a powerful tool to silence accountability and maintain control.
This psychological defence mechanism operates in three steps which begin with the accused person denying the alleged crime before proceeding to discredit their accuser and finally establishing themselves as the true victim.
Dr Sujit Paul, mental health, life coach and group CEO, Zota Healthcare Ltd
Back in 1997, psychologist Jennifer Freyd was the first to recognise and name this behavioural tendency. She described it thus: “I have observed that actual abusers threaten, bully and make a nightmare for anyone who holds them accountable or asks them to change their abusive behaviour… The offender rapidly creates the impression that the abuser is the wronged one, while the victim or concerned observer is the offender. Figure and ground are completely reversed.”
Unfortunately, the insidious nature of DARVO often leaves the victim in a deep state of distress without allowing them to realise why they even feel the way they do.
How to Recognise DARVO
Sudden and aggressive character attacks when concerns are raised
Repeated denial of obvious facts
The accused rapidly gathers social support against the complainant
Victims experience intense guilt, confusion, and self-doubt
Patterns of behaviour—not isolated incidents—signal manipulation
How It Works
The accused outright denies the allegation, even when evidence exists
They discredit the victim through blame, ridicule, or character assassination
They manipulate narratives to gain sympathy and social support
The victim begins to question their own memory, emotions, and judgement
Over time, this leads to emotional distress, low self-esteem, and difficulty asserting boundaries
Where It Shows Up
Personal relationships: Emotional abuse disguised as sensitivity or vulnerability
Workplaces: Toxic managers shifting blame and undermining employees
Family dynamics: Authority figures denying harmful behaviour and labelling victims as ungrateful
“Such experiences often leave individuals feeling confused, struggling with self-regulation, and suffering from eroded self-esteem.”
Kanika Jindal, Clinical psychologist and founder of Harmony Therapy World
Coping and Response
Keep communication brief and avoid engaging in circular arguments
Set and maintain clear emotional and physical boundaries
Document interactions, especially in professional settings
Stay connected with emotionally safe and supportive people
Seek therapy to rebuild confidence and validate experiences
Educate yourself and others about emotional safety and manipulation
Best Ways to Counter It
1. Naming the pattern
2. Documenting everything
3. Bring in third party structure
4. Maintain boundaries
5. Avoid engaging in reactive arguments
6. Use support services including counsellors, and legal advisors
7. Avoid internalising guilt