Can criticism be a gift?
When someone finds fault with us, try taking a step back. If it is accurate, learn from it, and if it is inaccurate, laugh it off. Children, it is natural to feel sorrow, anger and despair when criticised. But such responses drain us of our energy. However, if we do not allow emotions to enslave us and instead kindle our discernment, we will be able to face criticism with equanimity and learn from criticisms. We can thus make progress and succeed in life.
It is not easy to become aware of our own mistakes and weaknesses. Therefore, we ought to see our critics as our best teachers, because they help us realise our shortcomings. Those who praise us will not be able to do that. But when others criticise us or express their dislike for us, we must do some soul searching: “Why did they criticise me? Did I do anything wrong to elicit that criticism?” In this way, we can turn criticisms and accusations into stepping stones for our growth.
A child will become embarrassed and upset if friends point out stains in his or her clothes. He may even feel resentment towards them. But if someone tells a grownup about the stains on her clothes, she will not feel even the slightest resentment against that person, only gratitude. She will not feel embarrassed either because she will not see the stains as a personal shortcoming. But the child does not have such discernment. Hence, such situations will distress him and make him upset.
However, if a grownup’s behaviour or actions are criticised, she will naturally feel upset and react in anger. She will not demonstrate the same detachment she did when the stains on her clothes were pointed out to her, because she identifies with her own behaviour and actions. She is unable to view them dispassionately, like a witness.
If she can do so, she will be able to accept any criticism or accusation calmly, and correct herself if it is valid. If she goes one step further, she will even thank those who criticised her. Should the criticisms and accusations be unfounded, she will laugh them off.
Just as a lotus stem draws all the nourishment it needs from the mud it is rooted in, and brings forth beautiful and fragrant lotus flowers, we must learn to gain awareness and energy from the mire of criticism. If we can do so, the vine of our lives will yield the blossoms of peace and happiness.
Some people study for 20 to 25 years to gain a degree, then earn money and raise a family. By that time they are 50 or 60 years old, but what have they actually attained? Not much. The real goal of human birth is to realise God. If life isn’t utilised for that, then what is the difference between humans and animals?
When a lion travels, after a distance, it turns around and looks back. In the same way, we should look back and reflect, thinking, “Am I acting selflessly or not? When a turtle crawls, it leaves imprints in the sand. Likewise, we should leave the imprints of good deeds in our lives.”
The writer is a world-renowned spiritual leader and humanitarian.
It is not easy to become aware of our own mistakes and weaknesses. Therefore, we ought to see our critics as our best teachers, because they help us realise our shortcomings. Those who praise us will not be able to do that.