All of us are born with strong feelings of likes and dislikes. These feelings shape our personality from childhood itself. That’s why, today, we see new mothers making statements like, “My child doesn’t like green colour, he gets irritated if he sees yellow dal, he doesn’t like his scout uniform,” etc. Interestingly, these early preferences, though seemingly harmless, quietly lay the groundwork for how we will respond to the world as adults. What begins as a child’s refusal to eat green veggies can, over decades, evolve into an adult’s refusal to accept people who are different, difficult, or simply imperfect according to them.
It won’t be an exaggeration to say that one of the greatest causes of tension, burden and conflict in our lives is the feeling of dislike for others. There is a saying that goes—“a person disliked is a person remembered”—which means that the feelings of dislike that recur in our minds are just a one-sided bad experience on our part. And yet, ironically, the person we dislike walks through life completely unbothered, while we carry the weight of that dislike like a stone in our chest that’s heavy, unnecessary, and entirely self-imposed.
Imagine how many of us waste time pondering over others’ faults and mistakes. I am sure that majority of us do it to such an extent that we can't even sleep at night. We replay conversations, rehearse arguments and mentally convict people who are perhaps completely unaware of the trial we are conducting in our heads. The question is, why do we allow ourselves to collapse into such an ultimately unwanted experience? Is it mandatory for us to dislike someone because they are wrong or perhaps because they are of a displeasing disposition? Why can’t we change our perspective in such a way that our inner reaction changes from negative to positive? For this, we need to wear the right kind of glasses that would enable us to maintain a positive vision for all.
If we reflect over the years, we can easily make out that the periods in which we have been most unhappy with others were the times when we were dissatisfied with ourselves. So, when we are dissatisfied from within, we will be inclined to be dissatisfied with just about everyone and everything, without knowing that this dissatisfaction is directly related to the perspective or vision we hold of ourselves. When we don’t love or accept ourselves, our minds focus on negative traits in others, projecting our inner turmoil outward. Hence, to break this cycle, we must first start with ourselves, making peace with who we are and cultivating inner positivity.
Modern-day psychologists have shown that people who are unhappy with themselves are often unable to find peace with those around them.
The only way out of this problem is to ensure that we have a positive vision of ourselves first. So, we must first ask ourselves, “What is my perspective on myself?” or “How do I see myself in the mirror?” These introspective questions can reveal a lot about our inner state, because most of us are surprisingly harsh judges of ourselves. Learning to appreciate who we are, including our strengths, talents and positive qualities, creates a ripple effect in our lives. It becomes easier to extend the same kindness and understanding to those around us. Remember—dislikes and grudges drain our energy, while positivity and understanding elevate us, giving us the power to approach others with compassion and love.
As we focus on cultivating a positive self-view, our interactions with the world will naturally transform. We must remember that our perspective shapes our reality. So, by consciously choosing to view ourselves and others in a positive light, we can create a more harmonious, fulfilling life.
