When Ravana’s son, Indrajit, entered the battle between Rama and Ravana for the first time, he used his powers of maya—illusion—to become invisible. Unseen, he rained arrows on the vanara army and struck Rama and Lakshmana with serpent arrows. These burning, fuming arrows covered every inch of their bodies, and they fell unconscious. They were so heavily pierced with arrows that the vanaras thought they were dead. Everyone was disconsolate. Sugriva, the king of the vanaras, was as confused as the others and could think or do anything.
Vibhishana consoled Sugriva, saying, ‘Do not cry. This is how wars proceed. Sometimes you win, and sometimes the other side wins. At the moment, Indrajit has the upper hand. Rama and Lakshmana will soon be free from this misery. Let us not discredit ourselves by grieving too much. We have chosen the right side in this war—the side on which dharma resides. How can we be defeated? You are troubled by the fear for Rama and Lakshmana because of your great love for them. Instead of doing what is required at the moment, you hang your head, cry and do nothing. That is why excessive love may even bring about death.’
Vibhishana’s words had the desired calming effect, and the vanaras were able to think clearly. Hanuman was dispatched to bring reviving herbs from the Himalayas, using which Rama and Lakshmana were brought back to consciousness, and the battle resumed.
Similar advice was given by Lakshmana to Rama when he was grieving over Sita’s abduction—crying and raging at everyone and everything, and threatening to destroy the three worlds. Lakshmana said, ‘Even a wick that has been kept wet in water will absorb oil when placed in it and burn itself out. Even if a heart at peace falls into excessive love, it can do a great deal of harm.’
While it is commonly said that an excess of anything is bad, the idea that an excess of love is harmful is also found in our epics. Abhijnanasakuntalam mentions ati snehah papa sanki, meaning that too much love causes an excessive fear of bad things happening.
Love is a positive emotion as long as it is balanced. If it crosses over into an unhealthy fixation or obsession, it affects the well-being of both the loved one and the one who loves. Such relationships are commonly called ‘toxic’. It can lead to a loss of identity, where one person may neglect their own needs and goals to excessively prioritise another, while the other person may feel suffocated and overwhelmed by too much attention. So, the key to love, as in so many things in life, is balance.
