It’s story time again. This time I share two stories — one funny (which I fleshed out from a proverb) and one reflective (a sub-story from the Mahabharata).
Once there was a lazy king who in consideration for other lazy people like him opened a Sombal Ambalam (“Lazy choultry”) and welcomed all and sundry to come and be lazy just like him. The initial rush to be a member there depleted after people discovered that it was difficult to be constantly lazy.
Among the few lazy members who remained, there emerged three men who proved the laziest of them all by not even turning over in sleep or chewing their food or batting their eyelid.
Hearing about them a competitive spirit set into the king, who began to ruminate on ways to get lazier in a way that he would remain the laziest in the kingdom. First things first, the king got severely constipated to avoid any kind of motion (ugh! pun). Secondly, he ordered baths on the bed itself and bade the servants carry him, cot and all, into the balcony for the sun to dry him and the mattress. Thirdly, he consumed only fluids, sipped through a straw. And these instructions the ministers deciphered from the kings’ small lifts of the finger and eye movements.
Despite such economy in action, the king still heard reports of how the three men outdid (or rather outdidn’t) him in laziness. The three apparently were too lazy to even eat until the staff of the choultry force fed them banana juice (as it would hit the stomach on its own volition) through their noses (as it was an ever open orifice unlike the mouth).
Hearing such heights of laziness, which stood taller than his own, the king (through a series of feeble signaling across months) bade the choultry be set on fire and the reactions of the three men brought to him.
When the choultry blazed, all fled except the three. The fire raged, spreading extreme heat, but the men still wouldn’t budge and when the fire was literally burning their skin, the first lazy man said slowly, “the choultry is humid,” to which the second lazy man mumbled, “doesn’t (your) mouth ache to talk so?” and the third man kept adamantly silent, truly lazy unto death.
When the king heard this report he tottered out of the bed and wept over the urn, which held the ashes of the martyrs who had died for the cause of laziness.
“Me no king, you third man king of laziness,” praised the king as succinctly as possible before reluctantly returning to rule.
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Once while Krishna and Arjuna of the Pandavas were out strolling, Arjuna observed that there was none to exceed his brother Yudhisthira in philanthropy and generosity to which Krishna remarked- “There might yet be another candidate to better Yudhisthira,” much to Arjuna’s consternation.
“It is Karna,” said Krishna adding fuel to Arjuna’s ire.
“Prove it,” challenged Arjuna. So the following day, Krishna gave Yudhisthira two mountains, one of gold and one of silver, and ordered that the eldest Pandava finish donating the two mountains by sunset. Armed with spades and shovels, the brothers set to work. They hacked away at the mountain and sent word to the nearby villages.
People poured in for the costly arms. No matter how much people hauled away, one full silver mountain and half the gold mountain still remained undistributed at dusk. Yudhisthira conceded defeat and was curious to know what Karna would do.
The next day, Krishna called Karna and offered a similar two mountains and asked him to finish donating them by twilight. Karna bowed low and approached the first passerby he saw and said: “Respected sir, please take these two mountains.”