Growing up, I thought being a good communicator was key to professional success. It was a comforting thought since I’d participated in elocution and writing contests all through school and college and considered myself an ace at both.
Of course, that didn’t stop me from going dry-mouthed and weak-kneed the very first time I had to address a large gathering at work. The second time was not much better. But practice does make perfect or, at least, proficient. After a while, I got the hang of things and thought I was on the way to becoming a great communicator. I was wrong.
Because the most powerful aspect of communication isn’t speaking or writing. It’s listening.
Contrary to common belief, listening is very different from hearing. The latter is an involuntary physical activity that allows you to detect sound. It needs no special effort. Listening, on the other hand, is a conscious activity. It requires you to be alert and pay close attention to what the other person is saying, without interrupting. And don’t just listen to the words. Pay close attention to the tone of voice, facial expressions and body language, too.
As per psychologist Albert Mehrabian, only 7 per cent of meaning is communicated through a speaker’s words; 38 per cent is conveyed through tone of voice and 55 per cent through body language. So, if you only listen to the words, you may well miss out on what the speaker really feels.
Look out for inconsistencies between a speaker’s words and their behaviour. For instance, if someone is telling you that they’re totally trustworthy, but they keep fidgeting while saying that and refuse to make eye contact with you, they may not be telling the truth.
Sadly, listening is almost a lost art today. With smartphones and 24-hour internet access, everyone is plugged into their own little bubble, paying little attention to the world—and people—around them. When they do emerge from the bubble, it’s to speak rather than listen. That’s because most people see conversations as platforms to display their knowledge, instead of opportunities to find out how others think and feel or to learn from them.
But it’s their loss. Because there are huge benefits to being a good listener. First, you build knowledge. When you focus on information shared by people, you grasp not only the facts themselves but also their significance to your life and work. Second, listening saves time and solves problems. Projects often go wrong or get delayed because the people involved don’t know what to do. You bypass that problem by listening carefully to instructions at the very start.
Third, you win friends. When people realise that you’re genuinely interested in hearing what they have to say and listen without judgment, they feel special and understood, and put their trust in you. That’s because they know that ‘listening, not imitation, is the sincerest form of flattery’.
Shampa Dhar-Kamath
shampadhar@gmail.com
Faculty-in-Residence and Communication Coach at Harappa Education