You are the validation you seek outside
This is me. Take it or leave it. I didn’t come to you; you did. Your attempts to lasso me like you would a horse won’t work.” It was a Sunday morning, and the match at the race course was about to begin. A 20-something me, the recent Aashiqui star, had driven there for a rare BBC interview (being featured in British broadcast was hardly a seasoning on our Indian media curry).
For some reason they conferred that as a girl I had ‘an easy way of success, gliding from modelling to acting’. Again, I hadn’t asked for their validation, but one could certainly undo the flap of their fancy misimaginations. “Not really,” I said, referring to comments in the entertainment business, ‘Oh, she is dark’ when everyone around, the models and competitors, are all fair. Looking back, I admire the confidence of ‘I don’t need you. You need me’ of a 20-something.
Since my adolescence, I have lived life on my own terms, ready to take the bait for my actions in personal and professional life without regret. This is self-love: you trust your thoughts, actions and deeds even when condemned by others. Owning who you are is self-trust.
Yet it is tragic that so many of us recognise their self-worth only when confirmed by others. Why do some need constant validation, and are forever in the need of being praised by others?
So what is validation and why is it that certain people require it more than others? Emotional validation involves one to understand and accept another person’s feelings. When people receive it, they feel that their emotions are not only seen and heard, but that their thought and feelings are also accepted. This encourages one to feel supported rather than isolated. This, over a period of time, triggers security. But becoming approval addicts can be detrimental to your behavioural health.
I included this in my classes of girl children to help them build self-esteem and self-confidence.
confidence leads to hope. Hope leads to peace, as Confucius also said. Cut the ribbon of this cycle of seeking validation. Getting off social media is a great place to start. Self-validation helps you acknowledge your own abilities, talents, and skills. Validation is not a bad thing, especially when it comes from within you.
Anu Aggarwal
Actor, speaker, yogi and author
Instagram: @anusualanu