Unless you’re living under a rock, you can’t have missed the barrage of articles out there begging you to grab every bit of ‘me-time’ you can. There’s even a movie by that name on Netflix, about a stay-at-home dad who whips up Gram-worthy smoothies and curates school talent shows, but never makes time for himself till a friend turns up and shows him how to reclaim his life.
Basically, ‘me-time’ is time dedicated to yourself to do whatever you want and recharge your personal batteries. Given how stressful day-to-day life is these days with work, home, and technology making constant demands on your time and attention, psychologists say most people walk around constantly on edge. Their spiked adrenaline makes them jittery and irritable. They have trouble concentrating or remembering things. Worse, they’re always tired, but find it difficult to fall and stay asleep.
This is where ‘me-time’ can help, by coming in and helping you prioritize your well-being. Contrary to what the name suggests, you don’t have to spend your ‘me-time’ alone. You just need to find time to do whatever takes away your stress and brings you joy.
‘Me-time’ can differ from one person to the other. You may just want to play FIFA on your PlayStation in peace. Your sibling may find it soothing to solve intricate math problems. A third person’s ‘me-time’ could mean partying away in a loud nightclub with raucous friends. Someone else could be trying out a new recipe, working out in the gym, or just having a long bath. The list is endless.
But there’s also a limit to the self-pampering. And something of a catch. In their new book Build the Life You Want, Harvard professor Arthur C Brooks and media personality Oprah Winfrey say for some people, less ‘me-time’ may be the clue to happiness. They cite a study done with three groups of people: a Moral Deeds Group, which acts to benefit or help others; a Moral Thoughts Group, which thinks and prays for others, and a Treat Yourself Group, which does positive things for themselves.
After the 10-day experiment, all the groups felt satisfied, but the Moral Deeds Group emerged happiest and feeling less anger, less social isolation, and a greater sense of purpose.
I can empathize.
There was a time in my life when I craved ‘me-time’ (even if I didn’t know the term back then). That was a time when my kids were small, and I was madly juggling their needs with the demands made by my full-time job, nuclear household, and frenetic social life.
But cut to now, when my boys are all grown up, I work at my own pace and my house runs almost on autopilot. I have all the time to spend on myself, and I realize I don’t want to. I’m not saying I want to be Mother Teresa, but I know what the authors mean when they say: “Observing the world and caring for other people without making so much of life about yourself is one of the best ways to increase your own well-being.”
Shampa Dhar-Kamath
Delhi-based writer, editor and communication coach
shampadhar@gmail.com