Life after a near-scam experience
I got scammed recently. I didn’t lose any money; my son came and rescued me before that. But I did engage in a 50-minute conversation with two men masquerading as members of the Mumbai Police, threatening to arrest me under the PMLA (Prevention of Money-Laundering Act, in case you didn’t know).
I’m a rational being normally and sceptical about most things, so I’m amazed that I stayed in the conversation as long as I did. The odd thing is I wasn’t scared; I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong. And yet, I kept conversing with the two scamsters, replying obediently to weird questions. It’s only when one of them told me that only he stood between me and my imminent arrest and thundered, “Do you want my help?
What should I do?” that I began wondering whether he was trying to tap me for money.
It was at that point that my son wandered into the house and, through the window, saw me on a video call and heard me declaring my innocence to an unknown person. “Are you on a Skype call, ma?” he shouted. “It’s a scam. Get off the phone.” It turned out that his friend’s mother had got scammed on a Skype call just recently, and ended up paying `2 lakh. I’d like to believe that I wouldn’t have paid anything, but who knows? I still feel extremely foolish when I think about how easily I got conned.
Psychologists say being scammed is deeply distressing and victims often experience emotional trauma even months after the incident. Some people become paranoid and distrustful of new people. Many experience feelings of low self-esteem.
I wouldn’t go that far. But, after the incident, I have begun doubting myself and feeling that I’m not as sharp as I thought I was. I blame myself for not being more cautious and wonder if I’ve lost my edge.
A psychologist-friend says it’s normal to feel vulnerable after such an incident and recommends a multi-step process to get back my chutzpah. Here’s what she advises:
● Acknowledge your feelings. Process the emotions that come with being scammed, including anger, embarrassment and anxiety
● Reach out to people you trust to talk about the experience and how it’s made you feel. Talking about the incident can help alleviate feelings of shame and isolation
● Try and remember the sequence of events and identify the red flags that you missed. Learning from the experience will help you make more informed decisions in the future and regain your sense of control
● Establish clear boundaries with strangers, especially when it comes to sharing information online or over the phone. Trust your instincts and don’t be embarrassed to end uncomfortable conversations
● Finally, don’t dwell on the past experience or worry that you’ll be targeted again in the future. Focus on the present and practise self-care activities, such as exercise and meditation, to stay grounded and relaxed
I’m grateful I got off as lightly as I did. But if my experience can help someone else to get off even more easily, I’ll be doubly grateful.
Shampa Dhar-Kamath
Delhi-based writer, editor and communication coach
shampadhar@gmail.com