There are two bits of content floating through my social media feed these days (no, nothing related to the Ambani pre-wedding, I promise). The first is a new ad film from Urban Company (UC) called Chhoti Soch; the other, articles related to the ‘Let them’ theory. Serendipitously, the two are connected.
Let’s talk about Chhoti Soch first. It shows a UC spa professional driving home in the midst of a cricket match being played by the boys in her building. She’s soon followed home by her younger brother, who’s upset at having been taunted by the boys for having a ‘massage wali’ for a sister. According to them, the sister has bought her car with money that she’s earned providing clients with ‘happy endings’.
The sister is taken aback initially but then explains gently that her massages do indeed make tired housewives and young mothers happy. Everyone sees the new car, but not the hard work that made it possible, she adds. Besides, the more successful a woman gets, the more spiteful people around become. Unless you can ignore what they say and get on with your work, you run the risk of getting stuck with them, she tells her brother.
The brother looks relieved and convinced, as does the mother, who was probably dealing with snide remarks and secret fears of her own. Because truth be told, though a masseuse is a wellness expert, her technical skills are invariably ignored by the general public and most references to her profession, even in pop culture, tend to be sexually oriented.
Urban Company’s young masseuse deals with the situation by adopting the ‘Let them’ motto, the same one that’s being advocated to me by social media. It’s not a new theory. Psychologists have always told us that we can’t control what other people say or think about us. But we can control how we respond to them.
Motivational speaker Mel Robbins, the most recent proponent of the theory, goes a step further. When you set others free to do whatever they want to do, “it creates more control and emotional peace for you and a better relationship with the people in your life,” she says.
In an Instagram video, Robbins gives examples of how you can put the theory to work. “If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person that you’re attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. If your kids don’t want to get up and go to that thing with you this weekend, let them.”
The fact is we waste too much time and energy thinking about others and trying to force them to act as per our expectations. But if we desist from that and instead let them do what they want, we can understand exactly what they’re about and where we stand vis-a-vis them. That knowledge then leaves us free to decide what we want to do—with or without them.
Urban Company’s young masseuse has decided to ignore the gossipy neighbours and get ahead in life. What will you decide?
Shampa Dhar-Kamath
Delhi-based writer, editor and communication coach
shampadhar@gmail.com