Recently, we have had a number of media personalities and social media influencers weighing in on marriage—with some even calling it “an outdated institution”. It reflects changing value systems and the relationship recession that today’s world faces.
Even a few decades ago, marriage was considered a sine qua non for every young man and woman in India, arranged by families within the community. Children were considered a safety network that would support parents in old age and perpetuate the bloodlines. Problems in relationships were often swept under the carpet, although legislation was introduced to tackle conspicuous maladies like dowry and domestic violence. Women often found themselves in an unequal relationship, with little access to economic resources and mobility.
In recent years, the reach of education and employment of women has proved to be a game-changer. Across the globe, women have begun to focus on personal goals and financial independence. They have become empowered, spell out their terms and evaluate options before entering into relationships. There is an increase in the average age of marriage for both men and women, especially in urban India. Child marriage, although illegal, is still prevalent in pockets of rural India.
The stigma that was attached to single, unmarried and childless women is less evident today. The main reason is that more women are gainfully employed, take risks and enjoy social mobility. They make investment decisions, care for ageing parents, travel solo and navigate life on their terms. All this would have been considered an aberration a couple of decades ago. Today’s women do not merely subscribe to the roles thrust upon them by societal expectations.
They have discovered that they possess agency, which is valuable. The movie Queen (2013) was a rhapsody of how a single woman transforms her rejection by celebrating herself on a solo honeymoon.
Staying single is not a new phenomenon. There have been communities of monks and nuns over the ages. In the past, child widows, women who were considered ineligible due to financial circumstances or physical characteristics, were relegated to the fringes of society, sometimes denied even basic comforts of living. What is new is the conscious decision made by young individuals to stay single. Today’s women reject traditional imposed roles of a wife and mother and do not see these events as milestones to be achieved by a certain age. An increase in divorce rates also reflects the mismatch in expectations and changing norms.
Active sex selection with a preference for male children is coming back, contributing to the ‘marriage squeeze’. Gender disparity resulting in a lack of eligible women in certain communities has given women more bargaining power in the decision-making process. While parents and elders despair at delays or even rejection of marriage, many youngsters have thought it through. They have observed the limitations of the family structure and the unequal dynamics at play.
The impact of marriage on career prospects, the cost of raising children and the support they can count on are all analysed before decisions are made. As a result, there is a rising scepticism about marriage as an institution across communities. Even the pithy signs on the back of trucks—‘Hum do, humare do’—seem to have disappeared. An openness to unconventional live-in relationships, without seeking validation from society, is on the rise.
In China, November 11 is celebrated as Singles’ Day. It started as a tongue-in-cheek response to Valentine’s Day, which sales and discounts have transformed into a mega shopping festival. But the fast-rising number of singles across the globe has consequences beyond the commercial, with a fall in fertility rates below the replacement rates in certain countries.
India has also experienced a similar fall in recent times, reaching a total fertility rate of 1.9 per woman. The resultant increase in an ageing population has its implications on productivity and economic growth. This is, however, not uniform across communities. There is segmental asymmetry in populations as patriarchal and authoritarian sub-groups impose marriage on youngsters and make child-bearing a moral duty for women. This is resulting in skewed demographics.
The numbers, however, do not tell the whole story. The rise in screen engagement and reduction in human interactions have weakened social skills or even the need for human company. There is a predicted increase in robotic companions, with cinema even depicting human-robot romances. While this seems outlandish, the future would see the culmination of many influences. There is a growing movement of pro-natalists promoting larger families for social and economic reasons.
The existential search for meaning across ages has often pivoted on relationships. Therefore, it is highly probable that today’s youth will neither follow nor reject any option blindly, but choose what feels right for them and in their own time. Japan and South Korea are among the countries offering cash incentives at every stage—for dating, getting married and having children. Whether this will bring the desired results remains to be seen.
However, there are many factors at work. The rise of AI tools has brought in a new dimension with anticipated job losses and a redefining of human productivity. When the centrality of work as a source of identity no longer holds, people may seek intimacies to fill the vacuum. Time and energy could be invested in forging relationships. While youngsters enjoy their state of solitary splendour as a life choice for now, it could well be a cyclical phenomenon as the costs of social isolation will be steep.
(Views are personal)
Read all columns by Geetha Ravichandran
GEETHA RAVICHANDRAN
Former bureaucrat and author of The Spell of the Rain Tree