Use the Green-eyed Monster as Your Muse
Can you name the one emotion that most of us experience at some time or the other, especially when we’re young, but rarely admit to? An emotion that we invariably try to cover up with a strained smile or a shrug of practiced indifference.
Well, that hot, uncomfortable sensation we feel in the gut when confronted by someone else’s good fortune is envy. It could be sparked by a colleague announcing a promotion or a friend posting about a fun trip or a neighbour buying a new car.
It doesn’t matter that we aren’t due for a promotion or free to go on holiday or looking for a new car. Our heart can’t help but sink when struck by ‘comparisonitis’. Envy is not based on logic. At that moment, we simply want what the others have, especially since we consider ourselves equal to, if not better than, them.
That’s where envy differs from jealousy. The latter is triggered by the fear of losing something we already have. It’s why we possessively grab our partner’s hand when a rival shows up. It’s a protective motion, sparked by a defensive emotion. Envy, on the other hand, is an active desire for what someone else has. We see a gap between our life and theirs, and feel an immediate, desperate urge to close that gap.
Envy is an ugly emotion but it can be used for our benefit.
Think of a colleague who’s always on the go, balancing responsibilities like an acrobat, forging new relationships every day. The trick here is to channel your emotion into becoming an investigative reporter. Study her modus operandi, her communication skills. Does she use any time management tools? How does she strike up conversations with new people? Observe, ask and adopt. Turn your envy into a blueprint for your own success.
Or consider the friend whose life resembles a dreamy Instagram reel. You sit in your bedroom, scroll through their feed and enviously watch them flit from one fancy location to another. Forget them for a minute and look inward. What are you hungry for? Do you crave travel? Start saving for a trip. Do you want a more exciting social life? Plan outings with friends. Your envy isn’t an indictment of your life; it’s an indication of your secret desires. Act on them.
Basically, you need to reframe your feelings. Instead of getting bogged down by envy, see it as a prompt to live differently. Maybe you’re unhappy in your job or frustrated that you’re not following your passion (such as setting up your own company or writing the book that you know you have inside you).
All you need to do is face up to your feelings the next time the green-eyed monster shows up. Don’t let envy make you a bitter, resentful person. Instead, figure out what it’s telling you about your own dreams, and go out and fulfil them. You may well end up becoming the person that others are envious of.