A patient listening does the trick

The shrunken old man, about 70 years old, broke down as he took the chair in front of me in my office.
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The shrunken old man, about 70 years old, broke down as he took the chair in front of me in my office. In a voice struggling through sobs, he said, “Please listen to me for two minutes.” He was the last visitor of the day and thus I was in no hurry. I let him gain control over himself.

As a police officer, I have to receive a number of visitors daily. Most of them bring a written petition along with them. Earlier, my approach was businesslike — get the facts of the case from the petitioner and do what was legally possible to solve the problem. If the problem did not fall strictly in police purview, I would excuse myself saying so. Naturally, such visitors returned unsatisfied.

One day, watching the DVD of Narayna Desai’s Gandhi Katha, I heard the narrator recount how as a young boy in Wardha Ashram, he used to marvel at Mahatma Gandhi’s ability to satisfy all those who came to see him when he spared no more than two minutes for each visitor. One day, he asked a visitor who had just had an audience with Gandhiji, “Pray, what made you so happy?” The visitor said that for the two minutes that he was with the great man, he felt as if Bapu had entered his heart and soul. That was the effect of the sincere ear that the Mahatma lent people who came to see him.

Hearing this, I understood that not all visitors who come to me with a problem expect to get a solution. Some of them just want to unburden themselves. This realisation made me change my approach in dealing with the visitors. I began to focus on the person rather than his problem. Now I would put the petition aside and ask the visitor what he/she wanted to say. It made all the difference. It is true that in the allotted time I can hear out fewer visitors but those who I can, don’t return entirely dissatisfied even if in the end I express my inability to do anything about the matter.

In the hectic and individualistic lives that we lead in today’s world, we don’t have much time to listen to any one. On the other hand, the people’s urge to express themselves has increased. To be sure, technology has facilitated dialogue between people. However, by ruling out the need for people to talk one on one, it has undermined the quality of the transaction.

Returning to the 70-year-old man sitting in front of me. His problem was typical of his age. Though he was the head of a large joint family, neither his wife nor his grown up sons listened to him. His cup of sorrow was full when they fixed the marriage of the youngest son without consulting him. “The marriage party is leaving tomorrow and no one has asked me to be part of it. Tell me how can I show my face to society when my own family treats me like this”, he said. I sent a police official to talk to his family and forgot about it.

A week later I received a post card. It was from the old man. He had written, “The officer deputed by you solved my decade-old problem in half an hour”. It sounded simplistic.

I asked the officer concerned what he had done. He said that he had just gathered the family and facilitated a dialogue. As expected, there was bickering in the beginning but once the steam was out, both parties realised their mistake and the family was reconciled.

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