Someone asked me to write something interesting and humorous. Now, this is a tall order. There is a surfeit of humour in our country. Our ruling parties always say that the condition of the country is improving and the opposition always says that things were much better during their time. What can be more hilarious than this? It is indeed an old joke. But old is gold, isn’t it?
Well, the latest is all governments and institutions will provide free laptops to students. This is a great idea as we can be sure they must be state-of-the-art and solar-powered, for in a nation with little and at times no electricity, the screens will provide light in homes and offices. Sometimes you can hit an opponent on the head with it if he does not listen to you. Besides, advertisements in them about the institution and the work of the governments will create a feel-good atmosphere that is after all the way out of most of our miseries. As someone said, one can walk on a straight line without falling off but cannot walk on a rope which is much thicker.
To manage the increasing petrol import bill the centre and state governments are also considering another proposal — leave roads as they are so that people cannot drive on them. This will have many benefits. The petrol import bill will come down, the people will walk great distances and their health will improve, the government will have to spend less on health care. In a remarkably amicable manner the various parties have decided not to attack each other for bad roads in the coming elections but claim credit for their environment-friendly state.
The political parties also plan to get the CIC’s order about disclosing funds overturned. Such camaraderie has not been seen since the days when Vajpayee hailed the late Mrs Gandhi as Durga. We are truly moving into an age when we are going to work in a united manner for the nation’s, sorry the parties’, interest. This is indeed necessary, for the media in an irresponsible manner is bringing out skeletons out of cupboards, a disgusting habit that has to be restrained and can be if all parties unite.
Another area of general agreement is that the poll expenses of a candidate should not be probed. The poor people usually get something from the candidates only once in five years and the various parties feel that such restrictions are anti-people. What right has anyone to come between the netas and their beloved followers? They are spending and not looting after all.
The CAG is another official the parties love to hate. As every one of them hopes to rule they are averse to the idea of a person checking how they acquire or spend money. How can a CAG, a person who knows only how to audit, understand ground realities? He has not been elected by the people but appointed by those elected.
A golden Augustan age where there is a broad consensus in the nation’s interest is round the corner. And don’t think this is written for fun.