Anxiety has always been my fellow-traveller. I was so anxious on my first day at school in our village that I ran out the classroom as soon as my name was called out during roll-call. The next attack occurred before a dentist to who I went to set my teeth firmly. But the grapevine was that my father who was a busy and miserly person ordered my brother’s tooth to be plucked to save time and money. Moving on to the pangs of youth and accompanying romances, the less said the better.
Mine was an arranged marriage, love at last sight after many a proposal had failed. This one was agreed upon by the stakeholders and then began the incessant turmoil. Thirty years on, I still recall those panicky days and nights. Then came the birth of my first child. Those wonderful days were also etched in deep colours of anxiety for no fault of mine. But my better half was composed to compensate for my anxiety.
I have grown, so have my anxieties. Everyone at home is in a visibly upbeat mood expecting the wonderful days just around the corner. The grand event is an unexpected journey to an unseen destination, Mussorie. On the fag end of his training in the Civil Services Academy there, wisdom prevailed on our son to invite the parents for spending a few days with him.
“So dad it is all arranged. I shall send the tickets by e-mail. Mussorie has wonderful climate these days. I will also arrange for a meeting with your favourite author Ruskin Bond who is here. Please do not miss the chance. Of course you can also avail of the LTC and reimburse me at any time before arrival.” My wife was all the more happy hearing this and I also doubted a conspiracy between the mother-son duo.
My wife was philosophical. “Why should we waste government money? It is to rejuvenate your fallen spirits that government is giving you LTC. You have never taken me anywhere out, not even for a honeymoon.” There was neither honey nor moon in my thoughts because anxiety was creeping in. To embark on a plane for the first time, travel to unknown destinations, face unexpected hurdles on the way, undergo climatic changes and eat unfamiliar food, not to mention the unending preparations.
All of them; my wife, daughter-in-law and six-month-old grandson were all set for the trip. I was in command by virtue of being the senior-most person. Finally after a series of mental and physical preparations, I boarded the flight. It was time for take-off. I couldn’t listen to the ostensibly sweet instructions by the airhostess or even her beautiful gestures. All I heard was about some precautions while opening the “emergency exit’’. The flight started gaining momentum with a heavy roar. I forcefully closed my eyes. My grandson who was unaware of flight or fright was babbling and smiling at the airhostess as if he was wooing her. I was amused. Yes, ignorance is bliss. By that time the flight was up in the air and stable. So was I.