The none-of-the-above (NOTA) button to be provided in the electronic voting machines for a disgruntled voter to reject all the listed candidates running to be selected for another round of scams or scandals may be a boon. But the teaser is if “none of the above” parading on the ballot paper would pass muster, who else it is going to be.
Our TGIF club members chose that Friday evening the NOTA subject.
Govind, nursing his single malt, kicked off the proceedings. “As compulsory voters let us profile a neta who will not come ignominiously under the category of NOTA. Let us try to model one but make sure such qualities can be abbreviated into NOTA for kicks.”
As one who mooted the idea Govind offered his first suggestion. “He should hold a promise to breathe his last at a ripe age with only a paltry estate like a hundred and eleven rupees and a few coins in his pocket — not even a Rexine purse. No battalion of benamis, secret Swiss bank accounts — not even a savings account in an urban co-operative bank. Must have only a few well-worn shirts, dhotis and a rusted steel trunk so he would be qualified to be known as NOTA — No Tangible Assets.”
There were several wah-wahs in appreciation. Jagan, sipping his drink, continued. “Ah, that would be a pipe dream, Utopian, knowing our netas. But our Sriman should indeed have wealth but with a cap (not khadi cap). After making a few lakhs, post-tax, he should voluntarily step aside for others to have a go. Live and let live, you know, and all that. He would become a NOTA — qualifying to be bracketed as No Tempestuous Aspirant.”
Mukund cleared his throat, claiming his turn. “Few things are more associated with many of our politicians than belligerence in its rawest form,” he began in flowery Wodehousian style.
“And tough posturing when they debate any bill barring the one for the hike in their perks. Equipped with a short fuse, like a Sivakasi atom bomb, many explode in a language only to be expunged by the Hon’ble speaker. To prove that they are not mere men of acrimonious words but spirited action, they would vault over their desks or rush to the Well of the house with the agility of Usain Bolt at the sound of the pistol. Trading of juicy insults and exchanging round-house punches like RAW wrestle maniacs are other forms of exhibition of incredible lung and muscle power. But our ideal candidate should sit calm and composed — unlike any of them but like a laconic swamiji at a satsang so he would be classified under NOTA — Not Obsessed with Tumultuous Aggression.”
Butting in, Partha raised his hand as if to signal he had enough of the NOTA.
“C’mon guys, That will be enough. Don’t you forget we have been voting such men — without a choice of rejection with NOTA astra. Yet, India continues to tick — for which, mind you, the Nation Owes to The Almighty. Yet another NOTA.”