A s the family finally sets off from home after many arguments and shifting blame for the delay, there is a moment of lull as the car takes off. “Alright, so where are we going for dinner now?” asks someone, invariably the one at the driving wheel. What follows is chaos as multiple voices make suggestions. By the time order is restored and a decision arrived at, tempers have frayed, sensitivities injured and there is at least one sulking, while another simmers.
Twenty years ago, the decision of meal and venue was made with no arguments or opposition, and everybody looked forward to the meal with enthusiasm. The decision was made by the head of the family and the others fell in line. Today we empower kids to take their own decisions very early. We ask them about the cuisine they prefer, the movie they want to see, the holiday they wish to go on, the colour of walls they pick, the furniture in their bedroom and study, and even the subjects they wish to study!
Yet as every birthday passes, the years seem to speed by. Five-month-olds become 5-year-olds in the blink of an eye, and then teenagers. This inexorable march of time that turns babies into big kids is “another” biological clock facing young couples. The challenges of juggling our adult lives often prevent us from fully appreciating the delicate nuances of childhood.
Parenting today has become a difficult, complex and often exhausting “business”. The demands of juggling personal, professional and family obligations combined with a changing world and increased social isolation have led to a gradual deterioration of authority. Children today grow physically, mentally and emotionally by leaps and bounds and it may be difficult for us to accept, but they more often do not know their own mind and what they want.
What then is the best path to take? I’d say the most important thing one can do is listen. Listen to your children speak to you; learn to listen to even the silences. Ensure you keep sometime aside for them; insist they keep some time aside for you too. Do not invade their private spaces; create a space for yourself with them. When we put all else aside and surrender to entering our child’s world, we genuinely hear them, unknowingly share their excitement and imagination, and are reminded of the beauty of innocence.
Parents often struggle with their teenager’s disinterest in spending time together. Parents can, understandably, feel rejected, powerless and shut out when their teens seem to want to spend most of their time with their peers, or if at home, they lock themselves in their room for hours.
How else can you make yourselves heard? How can we trust our child to take the right decision amid the innumerable choices flung at him? As long as you have inculcated basic values in your child in the initial formative years and given him/her good education and quality time, you have already been heard. You can then trust your child to weave the rest of the magic.