Communication as everyone knows is the lifeblood of relationships and business. But English being a foreign language, we often land in unintentional problems while communicating.
Having worked in a public sector bank for more than three decades, I have come across several instances of miscommunications that will bring a smile on the face of the reader.
I remember the telegram that was sent by a remote rural branch manager (there were no mobiles or even phones during that time) to the regional office that read: Wife admitted for delivery, please send replacement.
The regional office replied by wire: Not possible. Manage with present.
It was mandatory for all branches to telegraphically inform the deposits and loans figures at the end of the last Friday of every month to the regional office.
The format of the telegraph message was: Deposits (Rs in lakhs), Loans (Rs in lakhs), with regards (branch name).
One smart administrator at the regional office who knew that telegram charges were based on the number of words decided to save some money for the bank. He sent a circular to all the branches: Henceforth all telegrams should be without regards.
From next month telegrams started arriving: Deposits (Rs lakhs), Loans (Rs lakhs) without regards (branch).
A sub-staff of my branch sent a leave letter which began thus: Sir, as I am suffering from financial difficulties I request you to sanction me three days casual leave. This was an unusual reason and so when he rejoined duty I asked him why he could not attend office.
He said that he commuted to the branch daily by bus; as he did not have money to pay the bus fare, he had no option other than to apply for leave citing the actual reason.
I was once required to go urgently to Mumbai from Trivandrum to attend an internal interview.
The communication reached my office only two days early. In the cadre I was then placed, I was permitted to travel only by II A/c train.
But that would take two days. So my manager sent a telegram to the competent authority to sanction air travel for me.
The reply telegram arrived late in the evening which cryptically stated: Shankar may fly.
Annual inspections of the branches were mandatory. The lapses pointed out in the inspection report submitted by the inspectors have to be rectified within two weeks.
One lapse was about non-compliance of submission of a mandatory certificate to the Regional office every quarter. The certificate had to be signed by the manager of the branch only.
So while rectifying the report I stated that as the manager was on leave the certificate would be submitted once he rejoined duty.
A reminder from rXegional office came after a week, which said, “Please inform whether manager has rejoined duty?”
I responded in the affirmative. There were no further reminders of non-submission of the certificate as the query that was raised had been addressed as far as the regional office was concerned.
While working in a large city branch of a bank, one day a well-dressed lady came to the counter and tendered a crossed cheque for cash payment.
As per rules a crossed cheque could not be paid in cash and had to be routed through the account of the payee.
I told her, “Madam, this cannot be paid across the counter.” Unfazed she just walked into the office area and said in a whisper, “now I am within the counter. Can you not pay?”
I studied in a prestigious college established by the British. It had a large auditorium which was adorned by paintings of principals past.
When a dignitary visited the college, our principal took him around the college and finally to the auditorium.
He explained proudly that the paintings were now worth a fortune; then he said, “One day I will also hang here.”