Besides traffic jams, nothing has held back our country as much as committees. Our women’s club, loosely held together by housewives with time on their hands decided to do our bit for the city. And so committees were formed, after much haggling and ego clashes. Only later we realised that a committee is a group of men and women who individually can do nothing and as a group decide that nothing can be done.
First on the agenda was a meeting time, place and plan. Files, pens and paper were procured. Then, problems arose when group division and allotment began. For example, putting together neighbours who didn’t speak to each other was unacceptable.
A doctor’s wife didn’t want to sit with a retired clerk; society dames with diamond studs would rather sit with similar diamond studded dames and so on. A biblical story tells that Moses had no committee to help him steer the Israelites out of Egypt.
If he did have a committee, they would have still been in Egypt. If Columbus had an advisory board he probably would have never been able to sail the Atlantic to discover a new land. When political leaders can’t figure out a solution to a problem, they hand it over to committees, who in turn hand it over to sub-committees and ad-hoc committees. A committee meet is perhaps the only activity, for which no preparation is made except by the chairperson.
Committee meetings are definitely fun with tea and snacks thrown in. What more do members want? The following are some gems of thought retrieved from the recesses of my mind. I would offer them to anyone on a committee. Never arrive on time. If you do so, you will be stamped as a beginner, and be roped in to arrange the chairs and files.
Don’t open your mind or mouth until the meeting is half over or else, some might term you as being too pushy. Be as vague as possible, thus avoiding irritating others. If and when you are in doubt, loudly suggest that a sub-committee or ad-hoc committee be appointed. After you have had hot tea and samosas, be the first to move for an adjournment. This will make you popular, getting friends for an adjournment is what everyone was waiting for. By the way has anyone seen a street or monument named after a committee?