Diary of a clumsy fashion addict

Being a clumsy girl is difficult.

Published: 11th May 2017 04:00 AM  |   Last Updated: 10th May 2017 10:26 PM   |  A+A-

Being a clumsy girl is difficult. Thanks to the ever-present bruises, I am constantly badgered with questions about being in an abusive relationship (I’m just really clumsy, I swear!). Sigh…there is a whole range of issues that the normal graceful folk just don't understand.

For starters, let me tell you that there is nothing worse than having a perfect work outfit on and splattering tea down your freshly pressed white shirt. This is the seventh rung of hell and it makes an appearance in my life at least twice in a fortnight. How do I deal with this? Simple. I now have breakfast in my PJs and change afterwards. Alternatively, carry a bib around! (Please don’t) I also ALWAYS have a Tide To-Go stain remover pen in my bag (you don’t get them in India yet), these are little highlighter-sized life saviours.

Maybe you’re all too impatient to let your nails dry properly, but for whatever reason, your polish keeps smudging and chipping. Maybe it’s also because you hate being fully impaired for 20 minutes.
My solution here is simple, get manis with your own nail polish, so you can fix it yourself when it gets smudged.Dip your freshly painted fingers in cold water and make extra strong top coat your new BFF? You’re welcome.

Suede and satin anything is off limits. It’s my version of Adam and Eve’s apple. The snake (read: salesgirl) will try to lure you with these items. It’s a trap! You’ll find the only puddle in the city to fall into or spill your sugary margarita on your cute bag at a bar… please save yourself the heartbreak and skip the purchase entirely.

If you’re anything like me, nobody really knows your true height. Really, I wear flip flops with a wedge heel too. And while I can’t remember the last time four-inch heels made my feet hurt, I trip at least once a day, and have fallen into a gutter and on my bum more than once. Yes, really. I wish I was joking too.
I haven’t really found a solution to this one but I’m open to suggestions. In case I do twist my ankle after a horrid fall one day, I have instructed all my friends to remove the shoe off my foot immediately; (if I’m too blinded by pain to do so) because I know that if you keep it on and your foot starts to swell, your doctor is going to have to cut the shoe out, thus ruining your beautiful shoes. Always remember, sprained feet will heel, but alas, your amputated shoes will be lost forever.

(The writer loves to over-share, drink wine and watch period dramas)


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