I knew it! Ha! I was right!’ I crow, punching the air with my fist. The school bus is due to arrive at the gate any minute and one of my children has decided it’s the right time to pack his school bag. Instead of helping or calling the bus attendant to ask them to wait an extra minute, I am doing the dance of the righteous parent around the room. I note the death rays being directed at me from the child’s eyes so I stop my dance and walk over to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. ‘
Hey. It’s okay. But if you’d listened to me last night and packed your bag when I told you to, this wouldn’t be happening would it? When will you learn? I’m always right!’ I say before continuing the dance of the smug. Now, if I was a nicer parent I might have reminded myself that it’s not really my son’s fault that he can’t plan ahead, it’s his brains fault. After all, the frontal lobe is the most recently evolved part of the human brain and only fully develops in young adulthood. It helps us organise responses to complex problems and plan steps to reach an objective, amongst other things.
And what could be more complex than remembering to pack one’s bag and football kit well in advance? And I’m not being condescending here. For many a child, s c h e d u l i n g h o m e work assignments, planning school projects and juggling after- school sports and music is complex and advance. Forget kids, how many adults do you know who can’t manage these things? I suppose I should be kinder and more empathetic.
But how can one resist the lure of ‘I told you so’? Four innocent words that hold a wealth of meaning. Words every parent has in their arsenal that no child likes used against them. I want to say I can’t seem to help myself, but of course I can. Rubbing your child’s nose in their folly is one of the perks of being a parent! To who else can I possibly show off the wonder that is my fully formed frontal lobe? No one! Where else in my life am I this right about anything? Let me tell you: nowhere.
It’s unfortunate that my children must bear the brunt of this insufferable behaviour, but hey, what’s in this whole parenting gig for me then? Shouldn’t I be allowed this at least? When stacked up against the years of sleep deprivation, vomit in my hair (three times in one night) and tire tracked underwear, what’s four little words? Nothing! That’s what. So, I will continue to exert this privilege as and when the opportunity to presents itself, i.e., when my children mess up or make questionable choices (Yes! Let’s have a fourth slice of cake!), which is almost on a daily basis.
I’m pretty sure whichever part of their brain decodes language has relegated the words to the category of ‘White Noise’. But that will not deter me! So parents, go ahead and give it a try! Don’t be sympathetic. Or angry even. Be smug. You’ll relish the feeling. And I’ll get to say ‘I told you so!’ one more time.