CHENNAI : Look around you, who are we really kidding? It’s certain that an apocalypse is underway. If there is another thing I am absolutely (read as: somewhat) sure about, it is that I’m not particularly vain. To be honest though, if the apocalypse hit and after four weeks my eyebrows, or eye“brow” (singular) grew back in, just forget it. I don’t even want to be alive anymore: let the zombies get me.
I don’t know if this is because of bath salts or whatever new drugs the Internet has invented this week, but the number of people feeding on other people has actually got me slightly worried. If modern media has taught me anything, it is that most people wouldn’t weather the apocalypse with elegance. I’m sympathetic about that for the most part, and understand that survival trumps the need to maintain french tips. It does not, however, take away from the horror I feel by the appearance of some of these creatures. Blood-matted beards are supporting characters on their own merit at this point — scarier than any Dead Walker I’ve seen.
Sigh, call me out for promoting unreal expectations of beauty, I suppose. I personally, have never been in a zombie apocalypse so I’m sure there’s some element of privilege to work with here. Thank you.
Let me draw from an example. I don’t know how many of you have watched Warm Bodies — it comes highly recommended by yours truly. We meet Julie, who looks particularly glamorous and is gifted with those beachy waves (the kind that most of us spend 40 minutes to get). She’s mastered the art of looking casual yet so put together, and is also dating a zombie. Naturally, she wins the unsaid competition of “who’s the cuter one in the relationship” by default.
That is debatable though, because the only thing hotter than Nicholas Hoult is an undead Nicholas Hoult — my taste in men might be a tad bit… unconventional. The point is: I understand that maintaining beauty and limbs is tough in a world where the only goal is to see another day. On similar days (read as: every Monday) my trick is to spritz my face with Urban Decay’s All Nighter, which keeps my make-up in place forever. Sometimes, I let that dry in and then go back to set it with a translucent powder — scandalous, I know. Use a lip pencil before your lipstick and put on a pair of spiked heels — I know they are not great for running.
Luckily we’ve already established that I’m useless at it, and if you are anything like me, you can put them to good use by stabbing that zombie in the brain before he gets to yours. Ugh, worst day ever!
saumya R chawla
The writer loves to over-share, drink wine & watch period dramas