CHENNAI : It is a fate that I have happily resigned myself to — beauty and cooking ‘hacks’ ie strange food and DIY beauty tricks using only a few ingredients. These are often intriguing enough to share, but not actually try. The Internet is a safe haven for these experiments, where they are often delivered in high-speed videos, leaving out key details — precisely why they don’t seem like they would work. But I mean, they do…right? You can’t lie on the Internet! *Insert more propaganda here* It’s against the law!
You see, in the name of science, I tried to make an ‘edible candle’ which turned out to be somehow not really edible and not really a candle. The ingredients listed were “cheese, nuts, and a little imagination”. With a pecan serving as a wick, I understood that this is edible if you want to eat a chunk of burnt cheese and nuts — which is worse than it sounds.
A neighbour dropped in to check on a burning smell when he found me standing over a melting cheesy mess, wondering what went so wrong in my life that led me to this moment. I’m pretty sure I’d have been sent to the country for several months to deal with my “exhaustion” if this was the 1800s. Luckily, I remain free to decorate my home with edible candles.Spoiler warning for the rest of this list: most Internet hacks involve taking simple tasks and making them harder or worse.
Case in point: popular beauty hack that involves melting crayons and coconut oil together to create your very own lipstick. The video instructs you to remove the paper around the crayon, place on a dish with coconut oil and steam. The ingredients magically melt together, and are transferred into a container and left aside to solidify. See? Simple.
The first issue is the crayon. Toxic Class 4 art supplies probably shouldn’t be anywhere near your face, and I also assume it would leave your kitchen smelling like a pediatric centre. The recipe calls to add an unspecified amount of pigment and coconut oil to place over a pot of water that is maybe already hot. Is that important? Your guess is as good as mine. How much coco oil, you ask? Amounts are just a number, man. Anyway, you let it simmer and let it cool for an undefined period. The comments in the video ranged from “why would you do this” to a woman posting photos of a dish where the coconut oil completely separated with thick pink pigment to give her chunky pink oil. It’s almost as if these products weren’t meant to be used this way.
Internet hack videos should probably start with this PSA: “Do not watch — cursed”. Here is the stitch: just because it’s made in your kitchen, does not make it safe or healthy. There are health and safety laws in place for a reason! This is not a Breaking Bad kind of situation where you should play chemist. Altering chemical values and changing compounds in a non-sterile environment does more harm than good. Believing the internet and homemade mascaras with Oreo and oil can definitely be given a miss. More anon!