BENGALURU: How well do you flirt?
There is a whole section of the internet dedicated to recording all kinds of attempts at flirting including the suave, successful ones, the cliched ones and the face-palm moments. One shows a live Teriyaki bar where a flame shoots up at the chef, a concerned customer asks, “Do you need anything?” and the quick-thinking chef answers, “Your number?” leaving the customer blushing. Another has a customer asking the serving staff to touch their shirt and then asks them, “Do you think this is partner material?” and another has someone walking up to a person at a bar and saying, “Hey, I think I will be a great ex- for you someday.hat do you think?”
There are hundreds of such attempts recorded for posterity’s sake, including old clichéd ones like, “Heaven called. They are missing an angel!” or “Can I have your phone, please? I need to locate my phone!” and so much more.
Here in India, many of us are socialised as youngsters to think flirting is a severely naughty thing and that it was only something that promiscuous people did. Many, of course, don’t pay any attention to all that socialising, pick up their flirting skills along the way and do pretty well in that arena, but for a whole lot of others, flirting is just not something they learn. There is much awkwardness when in company and conversations end up being about where one works, one’s hobbies or interests, or what kind of food or shows one likes. Nothing wrong with those, of course, but that is not quite flirting.
People often think of flirting as a cheap pickup trick or worse, demonise it as a precursor to sexually predatory behaviour, and the label “Flirt!” becomes a derogatory term. Nothing could be further from the truth. When someone doesn’t respect boundaries or is rude or cheapening, it is that person’s issues - flirting is not the issue, per se. A good flirt will typically be sporting with rejection of their attempts at connecting with little more than, “Ah, my loss! Have a good Sunday!” and move on.
Flirting is supposed to be about showing interest and eliciting interest in another person, sometimes as a possible romantic or sexual partner, but often just as play as a way of just being fun for each other in a social situation. Flirting is about cutting through some of the social conditioning and the reservedness to get people to relax a little, let their guard down a couple of notches so that there is a little more chance of intimacy.
Flirting is not just about single people looking to mingle. Even for people in long-term relationships, it helps keep up a playful connectedness. Flirting with your partners keeps relationships fresh and energised. It is as important an aspect of long-term love as it is in breaking the ice with a prospective partner. We may not ever see flirting as an essential life skill to be learnt at school, but we certainly can stop demonising it.