An open letter from a cow to all Indians

I’m a cow living in India, mostly in Bharat. I am a gentle beast. I have horns, but I do not hurt people.

Published: 23rd May 2021 05:00 AM  |   Last Updated: 22nd May 2021 09:30 PM   |  A+A-


For representational purposes

Dear Indians,

I’m a cow living in India, mostly in Bharat. I am a gentle beast. I have horns, but I do not hurt people. My dung has been used for centuries in villages to pave floors and walls. It keeps away bugs and sundry infections—don’t ask me why; I’m not a scientist defaming India by talking about Covid-19 deaths. In 2002, the Supreme Court ordered the government to clear Delhi’s streets of cattle so that my abandoned kin do not roam the busy streets. But you know about courts these days—I reserve my judgment because netas hardly listen to them—no contempt meant. The other day, an indignant goat in the neighbourhood told me that cows would get oximeters. I do not think even oxen need oximeters—for Lord Shiva’s sake where do we put it, on our hooves? Give oximeters to the humans who need them, I say. They require all the help they can get right now. All I do is give milk and give birth to my calves, which in turn produce more milk on becoming adults or till the field or draw carts. I ask the kids what they wish to be when they grow up. 

A politician?
A lynchpin?
A business guru who bottles my piss and makes millions?

They are horrified. One of my sons tells me that he would rather be whipped and pull a plough because he helps humans grow grain and fill empty bellies while the VIPs con people.

That is all I do, ladies and gentlemen; give milk and have calves. Humans get butter, cheese, yoghurt and buttermilk from me. I give food, and I am food in some places, which I do not approve of because I am shocked by killing—and that includes me or in my name. I have never voted in my life. I have never campaigned for any political party. I have no toolkits to defend myself. I do not need one because my masters—Hindus, Muslims and Christians across India—love me for what I am. I am proud to occupy my own special place in the pantheon as Kamadhenu, the eternal nourisher and beloved of the blue god Krishna, who is the most merciful and loyal of divinities. People worship me for giving them life. Not for taking lives.

I hope I will not be arrested for sedition for saying that my piss is just piss. I protect belief because my mutra sanctifies religious ceremonies and premises, though I would rather it not be sprinkled where a Dalit has been. My urine does not cure the coronavirus or cancer as the two concerned gentlemen in Manipur pointed out and were picked up under the National Security Act. Should I be proud that I am being defended by the might of the State? Alas, no. I am happy when people tell the truth about me. Since humans consider me a holy being, I must uphold the truth. Hopefully nobody will send the cops after me for saying that.

Lots of moos.
The Indian bovine.
PS: Can someone find my master a hospital bed? The local MLA told him to drink my piss and smear my dung all over him. He stinks. But he will die if he cannot get medical treatment and where does that leave me? In a crowded cow shelter?

Ravi Shankar


Disclaimer : We respect your thoughts and views! But we need to be judicious while moderating your comments. All the comments will be moderated by the editorial. Abstain from posting comments that are obscene, defamatory or inflammatory, and do not indulge in personal attacks. Try to avoid outside hyperlinks inside the comment. Help us delete comments that do not follow these guidelines.

The views expressed in comments published on are those of the comment writers alone. They do not represent the views or opinions of or its staff, nor do they represent the views or opinions of The New Indian Express Group, or any entity of, or affiliated with, The New Indian Express Group. reserves the right to take any or all comments down at any time.

  • Paul Neumann

    I think the two gentlemen in Manipur's cure is or will prove to be less harmful than that propagated by so-called medical experts around the world.
    3 months ago reply
  • Venkataraman Ramesh

    Waw! Very interesting and fantastic to read. Hats off.
    3 months ago reply

    For your information Ravi Shankar: Cow dung (Cow Shit in your language) is exported for use in soil rejunuvation. Why not Human shit or pig shit? There are things happening which a "sceintifically" tempered human refuses to accept. By one estimate less than 2% of what one experiences can be reasoned out. Can you reason out how water gets its taste? The so called chemical composition as put ot by scientifically tempered minds is same but it tastes differently in different places.
    4 months ago reply
flipboard facebook twitter whatsapp