It was not dark. I was not alone. And guess what? I knew he was going to be there.
The thing is I detest feeling like a victim, so I decided to stand my ground. I am from Chennai. I like the beach. And fresh out of college, a gym was not within my budget. So off I sped on my Scooty to Marina Beach every morning — determined to 'out walk' this foul, wiry man who for some reason was always 10 steps behind me.
A few days passed with no sign of him. I began noticing, to my surprise, that my muscles were unclenching. And gradually I became aware that my breathing seemed more relaxed.
Then he resurfaced. That face again. How does a stranger manage to make one feel alone in such a large crowd of people?
The next week, he seemed to have gained in confidence and left a note in my helmet asking to meet.
That did it. I stopped going to the beach. It was bad for my health, I decided. Whatever calories I burned on the move, I gained in a weight on my chest that didn't seem to lift with cardio.
To be clear, I am glad I didn't engage with him as he may have liked. I was 21 and inarticulate. And he was probably a few years older and had a crush or an itch. But I don't see a slap or a beating at a police station changing his approach. (The latter happened when I reported a groping incident. The man was drunk, and so scared when the police caught hold of him, but there was no shame or sense of remorse on his face.)
So, unconventional as it may be, I really would like to have a conversation with my stalker. Not over coffee for sure — this is no joke — but definitely with a table separating us for a sense of comfort. And here is what I would ask
Why did you follow me?
Was it curiosity, a hormone rush, did you see Dhanush getting Shruti Hassan's attention in '3' and think I would respond the same way? Well, it does not work like that. Maybe we could have been friends if you hadn't put me off before so much as ‘hello’.
Would you approve if my friend followed your mother?
If you think yours was acceptable behavior, you would not feel ashamed when I say I have a male friend who wants to know if it’s okay to follow your mother.
Oh, you're following me because I’m not married?
I see. I don't want to embarrass you or be rude, but if I enjoyed the chase, I would have stopped running.
You love me?
But I don't know you. Without getting to know someone, how can you fall in love? A stranger following me would only make me uncomfortable. If stalking is the way you show love, do you really think there’s going to be a happy ending? If you are interested, you should have the guts to come straight up and say hi. But if I don’t like you, you should also be man enough to leave.
Do you even remember me?
Almost a decade later, I still remember you — I wish I could forget. But I bet you have no recollection of me. For you, it was a momentary thrill, but for me an episode that never let me forget that I, as a woman, would always be a target of creepy men like you.
(The writer is a reporter with The New Indian Express)
Been stalked? writetous@newindianexpress.com