Prime Minister Narendra Modi is experiencing a thesaurus moment. Known for crafting acerbic adjectives and giving old slogans a new spin, he is the ultimate bhashajeevi of India. Tukde-Tukde gang, Khan Market Gang and Bharat ka Chowkidar are now catchwords in the national lexicon: 'Aatmanirbharta' was chosen the Oxford Dictionary's Hindi word of 2020.
Last week, Modi gave a new label to a genus of protestors - andolanjeevi; a derisive term for professional agitators seeking relevance by popping up at each and every anti-establishment agitation, irrespective of geography. Neatly sparing the agitating farmers, Modi branded their invisible and visible supporters andolanjeevis.
Unimaginative BJP leaders had resorted to the usual trope of 'Khalistanis', 'anti-nationals' and 'urban Naxals' to a cliche weary audience. Perhaps, Modi's differentiation came through the awareness that he himself has participated in numerous andolans (agitations). His coinage was to draw the line between professional disruptionists and provocateurs, and ideologically- led contrarians.
This assertion was based on the omnipresent sloganeers present at protests against NRC, CAA and action against the extreme Left liberals. Illiberals mocked Modi for dissing democratic dissent. They pointed out that Mahatma Gandhi himself was an andolanjeevi. The provocative disruptionist in the PM has identified different titles for different classes. Prominent among them are:
Budhijeevi: Stands for the intellectuals. Their livelihood is their thinking skills. They claim to be repositories of wisdom. They are the most sought after species by ignorant crowd pleasers and
individuals with complexes. They lament the tyranny against free thought to confuse others.
Woody Allen sees them as a mafia that murders its own. But intellectuals as a class are immortal because of their ability to explain a simple issue in a collectively complex way. There is hardly an institution or political party that doesn't invite buddhijeevis to enrich analytical skills of their members and executives.
Every party has a cell comprising buddhijeevis simply because they have read a few books more than the others. Emperor Akbar had the Navratnas to advise him. Since then, this cerebral institution has cozied up to every darbar from kings to government heads, and, in fact, have even become chiranjeevis.
A ruler without a buddhijeevi circle is considered a leader without perfect vision. The buddhijeevi has become an evil genius by curating the mindset of decision-makers.
Shramjeevi: The term is applicable only to genuine individuals who live off hard labour. He or she gets money for sweat and toil, and not out of the sake of pity. Though everyone claims to be working hard for their institution or party, they are getting rewarded for loyalty and submission.
Billions of labourers who work in fields, factories and construction are the bonafide shramjeevis, who, regretfully, are rarely lauded or adored except as vote banks. They are destined to create additional wealth for the wealthy. Marx's call for the workers of the world to unite was meant to obtain the maximum share of national income for the shramjeevi.
With markets decimating this Markist maxim, shramjeevis have been reduced to meagre wage earners who are exploited by those who hire them.
Sattajeevi: An apt definition of people who live off power acquired by means fair or foul. Most elected leaders, ministers and bureaucrats abuse power for their own benefit instead of using it to serve the people. The lust for power is so insatiable that sattajeevis create handsomely remunerative pre- and post-retirement opportunities for themselves in the name of serving the people. Ironically, they become totally indispensable due to the fact that those who appoint them are also sattajeevis.
Manoranjanjeevi: Name for entertainers of all kinds from cinema to stand up comics, from dance and song judges to comedians. They market their mastery of keeping fans happy and laughing. They are rarely subjects of ridicule since they are unaccredited professionals who are hired by political parties of all hues and corporate of all sizes. Of late, it has become fashionable to arrest some of them for hurting the sentiments of various types of people, politicians and pets.
Awsarjeevi: They exploit every opportunity that comes their way. They are the genuine fence sitters and are the first to pole vault over to the winning side. Awsarjeevis are like potatoes; they can be added to every dish from mutton to veggies.
They are the single largest group of beings, which doesn't mind humiliation and ignobility, being the fastest ladder climbers who dump the ladder upon reaching the top. Conviction is a matter of convenience for them, being available to the highest bidder. They can speak in many tongues simultaneously. This category's breeding ground is politics, bureaucracy and media.
Mudrajeevi: The adage 'money makes the mare go' fits this species to a T. A prominent industrialist used to boast that he could buy anyone with money. A study on the people who facilitated his empire to grow at Mach 10 speed would prove that most of the decision makers are mudrajeevis.
'Paisa phenko aur tamasha dekho (Throw money and enjoy the show)' is the time-tested method of allurement. Mudrajeevis have no qualification or defined personality. They are available at a price to infiltrate any fortress or activity which nobody else can.
Jyotisjeevi: India is the perhaps the only country with the largest number of astrologers and sadhus making a living by predicting a prosperous future for patrons. Their clientele varies from the rich and the famous to the poor and the ailing.
A majority of them live in penury while some greedy godmen occupy palatial ashrams where the powerful comes seeking counsel and blessings, bearing expensive gifts to convert their glum present into a happy future. There is hardly a city or a road where one cannot find an astrologer enticing passersby with sales pitch using even parrots and snakes.
Seminarjeevi: They are a class apart; slightly less sophisticated intellectual minis. They survive through networking and organising seminars for their target audiences who have the money and platforms. Seminarjeevis operate through think tanks, pretending to provide the solutions and templates for resolving political, strategic, defence, diplomatic and even geographical conflicts.
They are essentially freeloaders seeking domestic and international business class tickets to salubrious destinations for peddling their untested prescriptions. These globetrotters are liberally funded through mysterious mechanisms in the form of teaching assignments, research projects and consensus-building processes. In this unipolar world and age of market domination, their number has exponentially grown because they lend their names to any predefined policy framework available to them.
You may ask, what's in a name? Identity is the answer. But what's in a nickname? Fake entities to exploit the gullibility of powerful patrons with a yearning for the glamour of grey matter. What India needs isn't jeevis who live for money, fame and name. To be truly atmanirbhar, it needs only Bharatjeevis.