CHENNAI : "HOW do I fix my hair?" "Do I have to iron my ceremonial dress?" "How do I hold the flag?" "Which way do I look to face the cameras?" "What will happen if I fall into the Seine, will I be able to swim?"
These were some of the questions that kept A Sharath Kamal up the night before the Opening ceremony of the Paris Olympics. It was, in theory, going to be the ultimate recognition of the 20+ years of Sharath's ceiling-shattering career.
Yet, the 42-year-old, no stranger to the bright lights of the Opening Ceremony during the Olympics, was overcome with 'excitement but also anxiety because of the small things', he tells this daily on the sidelines of the ongoing Ultimate Table Tennis (UTT) event in Chennai.
The anxiety levels ratcheted up a few levels when "lots of international journalists asked me 'if you knew how to swim because what if you fall off the boat?' And I was like, 'it's not going to be that dangerous, no?'"
This excitement and anxiety, Sharath says, contributed somewhat to the first-round loss in the singles event. "Focus on the singles match wavered a little bit because it was close (to the OC). I wasn't able to balance both..."
He isn't using that as an excuse but points out that 'it's a lot of mixed emotions, you want to prepare for the match but, at the same time, you are happy because you are getting the ultimate honour of being the flag-bearer, you want to be there in the moment and enjoy'.
If he's given the chance to redo the whole thing, the multiple-time Commonwealth Games and Asian Games medallist would like to change a few things. "In hindsight, I should have done something else," the five-time Olympian says. "I had prepared well for the match (and the tournament). I was very happy with the preparations.
I thought it would flow by, but it didn't. Probably the next day (his first-round match against Deni Kozul was on the 28th and he wasn't done till the wee hours on 27th), I should have played a few practice matches to just get back (into rhythm)." But he doesn't regret the night of the 26th even if the ending 'was a bit tough' thanks to all the rain. "It was a memorable experience and I'm truly grateful."
When it was revealed to him that he would be one of the two flag-bearers, his first reaction was 'stop bullshitting me'. "I thought somebody was playing a prank on me," he tells. "There are so many other athletes... it took time for me to process."
After processing the result of the singles match, he resembled his fighting self when he faced China's Fan Zhendong — one of the hardest assignments in all of the elite table tennis in the team event — in the team event. He won a game off the Paris singles gold-medallist. "I was happy with what I played in that match."
It's almost a month removed from that match. As talk eventually shifts to Sharath's future, the man who built Indian table tennis' house in the 21st century starts talking about his past, present as well as future. "I have gone beyond my wildest expectations," he says. "There was a question to me in 2004 when I was a teen. 'How do you popularise this sport?' I said 'it needed superstars for it to be popular and I hope I'm one'. Looking back, I'm really happy with what I have accomplished.
Never dreamt that I would play for 22 years or something, winning Commonwealth Games gold, Asian Games medals and playing some of my finest table tennis at 40... personally, the Olympic medal is missing... but, you know, winning Khel Ratna, Padma Shri... I first thought 'Arjuna would be wow'... That's what we knew."
The one immediate regret he has is the first-round singles defeat in Paris but, overall, he is happy to have gone beyond the expectations 'of my parents, of my family, of my coaches, of my federation and my country'. He plans to see out 2024 but it's a question of when beyond that. For starters, he has already had a conversation where he has looked at the mirror to tell himself 'it's enough'. When asked if he feels afraid to confront the 'what next' question, he says: "I have passed that stage where I'm afraid.
Now it's time to say 'it's enough'. I have done enough as a player, a lot more can be done for the sport from outside. A lot more can happen to Indian table tennis when you look at the junior category where there's a lot of talent but they tend to fizzle out. We need to have a standardised training center."
Already an administrator, Sharath's big on making that switch full time. As part of the ambassadorial role with the world body (ITTF), he name checks two projects — a community programme to help young girls and boys in Bhubaneswar living in under-privileged areas and using the sport as a vehicle for change in Somalia 'so as to prevent as well as rehabilitate children vulnerable to joining the local armed forces (according to the official ITTF website)' — that he may be part of.
He's also convinced that the team doesn't need him. Not in a playing capacity at least. "Of course, there won't be a void without me," he says. "These guys are well prepared without me. There are youngsters."
His ultimate legacy, though, would be something else. "To see the federation, government and corporates coming together as one for the sport." If he's to realise that, his role as administrator will have to at least match the career he had.